英语搞笑话剧剧本

时间：2025-01-15 14:54:58 小英英语笑话我要投稿

英语搞笑话剧剧本（精选10篇）

　　在参加英语文化活动时，我们可以准备一个英语话剧，表演给大家看。以下是小编精心准备的英语搞笑话剧剧本，大家可以参考以下内容哦！

英语搞笑话剧剧本（精选10篇）

　　英语搞笑话剧剧本 1

　　甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie? Yeah, you are right, Im the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, lets begin. At first , talent show, number one, lets welcome.

　　乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, Im Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance?

　　甲:(作目瞪口呆状),

　　乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?

　　甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.

　　乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)

　　丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.

　　甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.

　　丙:Im Celine Dion, you know, I dont have too many achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,its just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....

　　甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin

　　丙:OK!!! Ill use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.

　　near, far, wherever you are

　　i believe that the heart does go on

　　once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)

　　and youre here in my heart,

　　and my heart will go on and on.

　　甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.

　　Oh, Im dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise

　　丁:(对着乙的背影,沉思状)to be,or not to be,its a question!(走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状),Im glad to see you,my dear princess.

　　甲(做娇羞状):oh, its really a big surprise,so whats your name?

　　丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白痴的'摇头),eh..,its ok,then how about Robin Meade?(摇头),and Melissa Theuriau?(摇头),(丁,情绪激动),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.

　　甲(指门,气愤状),you you you.....

　　丁:ok ok, it doesnt matter, you neednt learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah!

　　甲:I dont care who you are, just show me your talent.

　　丁:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God can give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!

　　甲(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, I cant stand, show you the door,

　　丁(转身离开,继续台词):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is (回头,对甲)10 thousand years.

　　甲:oh, its really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, Im dying,you three, come here,

　　三人跑进来,乙妩媚状:honey, you like my dance,right?

　　丙镇静状:director,you like my singing,right?

　　丁深情状:princess,you like my poet,right?

　　三人同声:we are past,right?

　　甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,Im sorry to tell you ....(接电话) What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(挂电话,低头),you three,(抬头),pass!

　　三人欢呼,说:we make it,we are superstar!

　　乙(甜蜜状):thats very sweet of you,we love you so much(飞个吻)

　　甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but Im look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence?

　　三人齐答:yes,we do!

　　甲伸手,三人搭上,同声,fight,fight,fight!

　　英语搞笑话剧剧本 2

　　人物：追星A, 追星B，追星C，明星，车主旁白经纪人

　　旁白：A girl is crazy about a star called Handsome+人名. Even when she is asleep, she can dream that man.

　　A：(打哈欠)，I need to go to bed, I’m so sleepy.(打哈欠)——边走边说（趴在讲台上睡）

　　（进入梦乡）

　　旁白：In her dream……

　　(上台摆两个凳子，A做一个)

　　A：Oh, it’s a fine day. (假装看天) (然后突然不经意的拿起一本书翻看)

　　明星：(上台)：Oh, it’s a fine day. (然后坐凳子)

　　(A看着看着书，就不经意的往旁边看，然后再看看书，突然感觉不对劲，在意外的往旁边看，看到了自己最喜爱的那个明星，十分激动，不敢相信这是真的)

　　A：Are you … are you that … super star?(激动地说不出话)

　　明星：（随意的回答） Yes, what’s wrong?

　　A: I’m your fan,super fan. Your photos are full of my bedroom, no, they are full of my house, including kitchen, living room, bedrooms, and… and toilet.

　　(激动，后面讲到厕所时，还有点不好意思)

　　(当明星听到厕所时，很惊讶)

　　明星：You are too…enthusiastic [in,θju:zi?stik]. (有点嫌弃)

　　A: Can you give me your signature?

　　(讲到签名，明星就兴奋了)

　　明星：Ok ,of course!

　　A：（大声喊）Oh ,I will have the Handsome______’s signature

　　(突然，两个人跑过来，B把A给推开了然后两人问明星要签名)

　　B：Please ,please give me signature!!!!!!!

　　C: No, give it to me, to me!!!

　　(两人抢着，A一人孤零零的站在旁边，)

　　A: Why the result is this ?(抱头痛哭，边走边哭，然后走到睡觉的'那个地方，恢复原来的样子，还有点啜泣)

　　A： Er? Where is it? Oh,it’s just a dream , but ,it’s a bad dream.

　　It’s too early, I want sleep.(又趴下去)

　　旁白：In her second dream, the scene is at the crossroads.

　　A: Look at the tall buildings, they like the …like the …I don’t have any adjrectives to describe them.

　　(明星上场，走在对面，也在欣赏某些东西)

　　A：Oh ,look at there, that man is like a star ! Oh ,Oh ,Oh ,(一次比一次激动)he is …..he is…..Handsome_______！I want his signature! But there is too much cars, What can I do? What can I do? I don’t care this any more, the signature is more important!

　　(正当他准备过马路时，车主做开车动作来了，将要撞A，A很害怕)

　　车主：Look out!

　　Aon’t come here, don’t come here!(闭着眼睛) (车主迅速下台)

　　（A突然站起来，睁开眼睛）

　　A：A dream .too? Oh, my god, Why do I always can’t get the signature? No, I must get it, sleep again! Yes ,sleep! But ,why do I stand here? I should lie in the bed. Whether these, I must go to bed and get the signature!(趴着又睡)

　　旁白：In her third dream

　　(明星在签名，A前面有B, C)

　　经纪人：One by one,Don’t be wrought-up

　　A: Yeah,I can get it at last. Before me ,there are only two people.

　　（到B）

　　B:I love you very much. My dreamlover.

　　明星：Thank you

　　(B下，C上)

　　C: Oh，I meet you ,can I hug with you ?

　　明星：Sure.

　　(两人抱了一下)

　　（到A）

　　A: I can get your signature in the end! I’m so excited

　　(明星面目有点难受的样子，手捂着肚子)

　　明星：Sorry, can I go to the toilet for a moment? My stomach is hurt a lot.(难受)

　　A: Yes, make yourselfe at home.

　　(过来一会儿)

　　A: Handsome_______ has gone to toilet for such a long time. Is he ok?

　　经纪人对A说：Sorry, the girl, Handsome_____ perhaps can’tcome here to give you signature, He is too hurt. He went home.

　　A: Ah? Why always me ? (伤心地离开，走到睡着的地方)

　　（突然起身）

　　A :Why always me ? I only want a signature~~ ai~~ What time is it now ? (看了一下钟，表情惊讶) It’s near 8 o’clock .I can’t arrive at the school on time! Oh no ,hurry up hurry up!

　　英语搞笑话剧剧本 3

　　Justice Is The Winner(正义必胜)

　　by Cecilia Liu 劉怡芬

　　5人短剧。

　　人物

　　Bunny Cheng: Bunny Chen

　　Eliza Lin: Daughter

　　Celine Tu: Reporter et Aside

　　Sano Hsieh: Small gangster(小流氓)

　　Trent Cheng: Big gangster(大流氓)

　　SCENE I

　　A mother is doing exercise in the living room when the phone is ringing. And her daughter is in the school now.

　　Mom: Hello~

　　Caller: (A boy is crying.) Ha! Your kid is here. Do you hear his voice? If you want to save your kid, prepare the ransom.

　　Mom: Are you crazy? I don’t have a son!!! Don’t try to cheat me. Stupid guy!

　　The mother is very angry and hung up the phone. But later… the phone is ringing again…

　　Mom: Hello~

　　Caller: Hello~ Are you busy now?

　　Mom: (I recognize the voice.) You are a fraud, right? Do you want to trick me again? Is it fun? Don’t do such a boring thing, O.K.? I won’t believe you.

　　Caller: Really? Listen to this.(A girl is crying on the phone, ”mom, help me~ help me~)

　　Mom: Oh~ you are a good actor. This time is better but I still won’t fall into your trap to rob me of my money! If you call again, I will call the cop. Do you understand? (Hang up the phone more angrier.)

　　But the voice sounds like her daughter’s and the mom is not disturbed. She decides to go to the elementary school to see her daughter. The mom got there…

　　Mom: Eliza~

　　Eliza: Mom~ why you are here? Are you missing me? Do you come here to pick me up?

　　Mom: Ya~ are you happy in the school? Let’s go home. I want to tell you something on the way home.

　　Mom tells Eliza about the phone scam and wants her to be careful from now on.

　　SCENE II英语剧本大全ww.coffbar.com

　　Because the mother didn’t believe the two gangsters really kidnapped her kid, the gangsters were furious. So they decided to kidnap her daughter this time.

　　The gangsters have found the school her daughter studies in, and observed for many days. Today is the day they plan to kidnap the child.

　　The big gangster always focuses on what he’s doing but the small gangster is usually absent-minded.

　　Big gangster: Hey! Concentrate!! (The big gangster hit the small gangster’s head)

　　Small gangster: Ouch! O.K. O.K.

　　At this moment, the girl appears.

　　Small gangster: (Check the picture.) Hey!! Buddy!! Look! Is that her?

　　Big gangster: Ha! Ha! Ha! It’s hunting time.

　　Small gangster: I’m so excited!! Oh~ what a beautiful girl. Just like a fairy. My sweetheart… Buddy do you know? I feel that I get butterflies in my stomach!

　　Big gangster: (Hitting the small gangster’s head again.) Hey! Wake up!! Stop day-dreaming. Let’s make a move!

　　Small gangster: Oh~ my baby~ I’m coming!!

　　Big gangster: Hey!! Lady!! Can you do me a favor?

　　Eliza: Sure! What can I do for you?

　　Small gangster: (Murmuring) This beautiful lady has a beautiful heart.

　　Big gangster: Sorry. Ignore what he said.

　　Eliza: Never mind!

　　Big gangster: Thanks! I want to go to Tunghai University. Do you know how can I get there?

　　Eliza: Oh… you should go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.

　　Big gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, turn right and we will see a supermarket at the end of the street. And…

　　Eliza: No! No! No! Go straight until the traffic light, then turn right until you see a convenience store at the corner and turn left. Keep going straight and you would see the university.

　　Small gangster: Go straight until the first traffic light, then turn left and go straight to the end of the street, then we can see the university.

　　Eliza: Oh, my! No! Wrong again! You two are really a stupid guy.

　　Big gangster: It’s too complex. I can’t remember all the directions. I’m a foreigner. And I have an important presentation there. Could you go with us, guide us there? Please~

　　Eliza was confused. But she is a kind person and she likes to help people.

　　Eliza: Umm… let me think… okay!! Let’s go!

　　Small gangster: How kind of you!! My little girl.

　　Big gangster: Sorry. Just ignore him. Thank for your help.

　　Eliza goes with the gangsters.

　　In the gangsters’ car, the small gangster suddenly shows a sharp knife. And shouts, “Don’t move!” Eliza is shocked and starts screaming.

　　Eliza: What are you doing?

　　Small gangster: I’m kidnapping you!

　　Eliza: Oh~ I am so scared.

　　Small gangster: (Talk to the big gangster.) Did you hear that, she is scared?

　　Big gangster: Ya~ we are professional.

　　Eliza: Not funny! I’m hungry. I want to go home! I want to go home!

　　Small gangster: Shut up. Don’t be so noisy!

　　Eliza keeps crying.

　　Small gangster: You! Get out of the car!

　　Big gangster: (Hit the small gangster angrily!) Idiot! I have a stupid partner. (Disappointed)

　　Eliza: I agree! (Nod head.)

　　Big gangster: Don’t cry baby, I give you a lollipop.

　　Eliza: Thank you. How kind of you.

　　SCENE III

　　Mother is preparing dinner.

　　Mom: Eliza! Eliza! Time for dinner! I’m hungry! Hurry up!

　　No one answers her. And she realizes there is something wrong.

　　Mom: Eliza, where are you? Don’t play hide and seek with me! It’s not funny. I’m hungry.

　　As the mother is finding her daughter, the phone rings.

　　Mom: Hello~ this is Anderson. I’m busy finding my daughter. Don’t bother me!

　　Big gangster: Are you finding your daughter? Ha! Ha! Ha… she is right here.

　　Mom: Good job! Tell her it’s time for dinner. I’m hungry!

　　Big gangster: Hey! You are clueless. I have already kidnapped your daughter, Eliza Anderson!

　　Mom: Hey! Buddy! Don’t trick me!

　　Big gangster: Sure! Listen! (The gangster takes the phone to Eliza.)

　　Eliza: Hello! Mom! I’m here! They are so kind. They gave me a lollipop.

　　The gangster takes the phone away.

　　Big gangster: Do you believe me now? If you want your daughter to come back for dinner. You have to prepare the ransom of NT $ 20,000,000.

　　Mom: Too expensive! 20% off.

　　Big gangster: Are you buying clothes?

　　Mom: Bargain is my hobby.

　　Big gangster: No negotiation you should bring the ransom to Tunghai Lake at 8:00 pm. And remember don’t call the cop. Or you will find your daughter in the lake.

　　Mom: O.K. See you then!

　　At Tunghai Lake. The gangsters and Eliza are baking fish from the lake because they are hungry. At this time, the mother is coming.

　　Mom: Ha! (Mom shouts.)

　　The gangsters and Eliza are shocked. And the small gangster’s fish is falling down on the floor.

　　Small gangster: Oh,! My fish! Who’s there?

　　Mom: It’s me, Bunny Anderson, Eliza’s mother, Anderson’s wife. Where is my daughter? Release my daughter.

　　Eliza: Hi! Mom, I’m here. Do you want to come here to eat fish?

　　Big gangster: Where is the ransom?

　　Mom: Release my daughter first!

　　Big gangster: Give me the ransom first!

　　Mom: No way!

　　And the battle begins.

　　Mom: Justice is always the winner.

　　Eliza: Oh~ Yeah! Mom, you win!

　　Celine: Ha! I got it! I got it! A new…… headline.

　　Celine: I am at Tunghai Lake. Earlier, there was a violent fighting. A watermelon knife V.S. A B.B.Q. fork. According to the witnesses, a mother fought with the gangsters for her daughter. And the mother won. Now, let’s interview the persons involved.

　　Celine: Do you feel regretful? Do you feel sorry to this society?

　　Small gangster: I……

　　Celine: I…… I know. You are very sorry and regretful. How about you? (Turn to the big gangster.)

　　Big gangster: None of your business. (Run to the wall.) Leave me alone.

　　Eliza: Me! Me!

　　Celine: What do you want to say?

　　Eliza: Uh…My mom is so cool. She came to save me!

　　Mom: My turn. My turn.

　　Celine: O.K. O.K. What do you want to say after winning the fight?

　　Mom: Well……

　　Celine: Well, you are very happy and proud of yourself to be the winner in the battle.

　　Mom: Yes. And the gangsters…

　　Celine: Oh, the gangsters are very stupid and silly.

　　Mom: Right. And they…

　　Celine: They want to trick you, but…

　　Mom: But… enough. I’m hungry. I want to go home with my daughter.

　　Celine: Next time, if you receive a phone call from a scam artist, here are the things you can do to avoid being tricked. First, stay clam and be skeptical about it. The caller hopes to fool you with a moving story, causing you to forget your good judgment. A little doubt can protect you. Second, verify the story. Call the organization to make sure the story is true. Third, report it to the police. And don’t deal with the villains on your own. One phone call will often expose a trap quickly. However, to tell the truth, the mother is really very brave. She is my idol. I want to keep her sign. This is reporter Celine reporting from Tunghia Lake for TVAS.

　　英语搞笑话剧剧本 4

　　第一幕开场白

　　旁白：Long long ago there lived a beautiful princess, and there is a big family. But the hostess died. Her son is handsome and goodness. Her husband married another wife. The stepmother is very cruel to the son. One day their King will hold a ball and choose a prince for his daughter.

　　B: Girls in the other side look at me, look at me, look at me …I am David, handsome and cool. I try my best to loose my weight for this ball. This is my photo three days ago.

　　C: I am rich and humor. Look at my snow-white teeth, because I use the famous toothpaste---Peer.

　　A: Oh, Can I go to the ball?

　　B and C: No!

　　B: Look at yourself. The clothes are so bad and dirty.

　　C: Yes, yes.

　　B: Your hair …（用手拨几下）

　　C: What a mass!

　　B: Your face

　　C: Black and dirty, you seemed like a frog.（B拿出青蛙的照片）

　　B: How can you go to meet the beautiful princess?

　　Stepmother: OK, children, let’s go!

　　C: Mum, what about him?

　　Stepmother: You, just stay at home to do some housework.

　　A: But, Mum, I want to go there.

　　Stepmother: Oh, OK.

　　B and C: Mum, why do you take him? Don’t you think he will loose our face?

　　Finally, they go without A.

　　第二幕仙女下凡

　　A: Why Why Why I can’t go to join that ball.

　　旁白： At this time a beautiful fairy appear.

　　Fairy: Ahh, my poor child! What things make you so sad?

　　A: The beautiful princess will held a ball, but my stepmother and my brothers don’t let me go there.

　　Fairy: My good boy, let me help you. (拿出一套礼服)

　　A:（喜出望外，准备去参加舞会。）

　　Fairy: Wait for a moment. Don’t forget your shoes.（拿出一双耐克鞋）

　　A: Thank you, my respectful fairy.

　　第三幕一见钟情

　　旁白：A is wearing beautiful clothes going to the palace as quickly as possible, but his brother and stepmother have already arrived.

　　门卫：The next, the Trade’s first son.

　　B: Oh, beautiful princess. I have greatly admired you for a long time, and you are like a Pizza in my heart.

　　Princess: Please wait for a moment, what talent and skill you have?

　　B: I’ll sing a song for you. (Singing) Only you

　　Princess: Pass.

　　门卫：The next. The Trade’s second son.

　　C: La la I am a

　　Princess: Pass.

　　旁白：At that time A was appearing on the front door of the palace. All the people were shocked by his handsome and demeanor.

　　A: Beautiful princess. Can I sing a song for you?

　　Princess: Sure, please.

　　A: （扶着公主从宝座上走下，两人目光对视，走成一个圈，开始唱歌）。

　　旁白：All the people seem to disappear. Only A is left in the princess’s eyes. And so is the princess. Dang dang dang the clock strikes 12. A is waken from the happiness.

　　A: Princess, I must go now. I am very sorry.

　　Princess: Wait

　　旁白：In a hurry A dropped one of his shoes. But the princess was following him.

　　A: (A look at princess and that shoe he has to go into the forest.)

　　第四幕丢失的鞋

　　旁白：The next morning, the guard brings the shoe to the princess.

　　侍卫：My princess, this is the shoe left by Yang Master yesterday.

　　Princess: That’s great! God save me! Go and declare: Whoever can wear this shoe will be my prince.

　　第五幕结局

　　旁白：The guars declared this thing in the whole city and it caused a big sensation. The two prince of the Trade are more excited.

　　B: Oh, it’s so beautiful. I’m sure I can wear this shoe.

　　C: Do you think it is possible? Only I can wear that shoe.

　　Stepmother: Stop talking, my dear sons. Go to get ready for it quickly. The guards will come in no time.

　　旁白：A was sweeping floor more and more slowly. The guards came in.

　　侍卫：This is the shoe. Come and try it.

　　旁白：At this moment B caught it quickly, tried it and murmured.

　　B: why can’t I put it on?

　　Stepmother: My dear, let me help you.

　　旁白：The mother pulled B to the corner cutting his toe. Then B put the shoe very hardly.

　　B: My princess, let’s go.（一瘸一拐）

　　Princess: No, you are not my prince. Take off the shoe.

　　C: Let me try. Let me try. (murmuring)I cannot wear it either.

　　旁白：The mother pulled C to the corner again, and cut his heel.

　　C: My princess, let’s go.

　　Princess: No, you are not my prince, either. （一瘸一拐）

　　侍卫：Who else doesn’t try to put on the shoe here?

　　A: (In a low voice) Let me have a try.(A put the shoe without any difficulty. It just fit him. And A took off his dirty clothes again.)

　　Princess: Wow, you are my prince.

　　Princess and Prince got married. Then they live together and they are very happy.

　　英语搞笑话剧剧本 5

　　音乐：apple（小熊表演）

　　Bears: Today is our birthday. We are so happy!

　　Rs: Knock, knock, knock. （敲门声起）

　　Bears: Who’s that?

　　Rabbit1: I am **.

　　R2: I am **.

　　Rs: We are rabbits.

　　Bs: Come in ,please.（开门，请进）

　　Rs: Happy birthday!（送花）

　　Bs: Thank you. Please take a seat.（做手势，请坐）

　　小熊把花插好

　　Ds: Knock, knock, knock. （敲门声起）

　　Bs: who’s that?

　　D1: I am **.

　　D2: I am **.

　　D3: I am **.

　　Ds: We are dogs.

　　Bs: Come in ,please.

　　Ds: Happy birthday!

　　Bs: Thank you. Please take a seat.

　　小熊把花插好

　　Cs: Knock, knock, knock. （敲门声起）

　　Bs: who’s that?

　　C1: I am **.

　　C2: I am **.

　　C3: I am **.

　　Cs: We are cats.

　　Bs: Come in ,please.

　　Cs: Happy birthday!

　　Bs: Thank you. Please take a seat.

　　小熊把花插好，拿水果招待客人

　　Bs: Which friut do you like ?

　　Rs: It is red. It is raund.

　　Bs: Oh! It’s apple. Here you are.

　　Rs: Thank you.（做吃状）

　　Ds: It’s yellow .It’s long.

　　Bs: Oh! It’s banana. Here you are.

　　Ds: Thank you.

　　Cats: It’s oraner .It’s raund.

　　Bs: Oh! It’s oranger. Here you are.

　　Cs: Thank you.

　　小熊面向观众道白

　　Bs: Today is our birthday. We are so happy.

　　转身招呼小动物们

　　Bs: Let’s singing , let’s dancing.

　　As: Ok!

　　歌曲：Hello!

　　<结束>

　　英语搞笑话剧剧本 6

　　旁白：It’s a cold evening. The Titanic has sunken. Rose, Jack and Oscar are on the life boat floating in the ocean. This is Jack. This is Rose and this is Oscar, her husband-to-be.（边说边介绍，三人坐在课桌上）

　　Oscar: Oh, honey~ Are you OK? （边说边将手搭上Rose肩）

　　Jack: She is my girl.（打开Oscar的手）

　　Oscar: You are so cold.（脱下报纸披在R身上面向观众）what you wear, what you are.

　　Jack: What are you doing! （扔掉校服，脱下自己的羽绒服抖了抖，面向观众）BoSideng（波斯登）, warm and comfortable, it’s my choice.（将羽绒服披在Rose身上）

　　Rose:（向Jack）I love you.（向观众）But I love BoSideng more.

　　Oscar: Hey! She is my wife-to-be, who are you?

　　Jack: I am I. Wo de di pan wo zuo zhu（我的'地盘我做主）.

　　Oscar: People on the Earth all know, She, and I, will go to New York to have our wedding. Rose: But now……

　　Jack: Don’t say any more! Take your knife out! （从口袋里掏出铅笔，紧握手中）

　　Oscar: Ok. Let’s go fighting! （同样掏出铅笔紧握手中）

　　Jack & Oscar: Fighting! （用铅笔互戳）----小蜜蜂~

　　Rose: No, no, no! Please stop! （拉二人）( J & O不小心将Rose推下桌子——落水）

　　Rose: Help, help!（Jack & Oscar将拉上Rose桌子）

　　Oscar: Honey, how are you?

　　Rose:（向观众）PiaoRou（飘柔）, just so confident~（甩头发）

　　（Rose不小心推Oscar，Oscar落水） Oscar: Help, help!

　　Rose: Oh, no! （向Oscar伸手）（Jack抓过Rose的手，对视）

　　Jack:（唱）你是我的玫瑰，你是我的花…You are my life, you are my honey~

　　Rose: But……what about Oscar?

　　Jack: Don’t pay attention to him.

　　Rose: OK. Darling~ I love you, loving you, like mouse love rice~

　　旁白：At this time, Oscar has been far away……Jack and Rose are still floating in the ocean. It’s colder and colder.

　　Jack: Do you feel cold?

　　Rose: Yes. You see we are so lonely.

　　Jack: Don’t worry. I have this! （从口袋里掏出打火机，并向观众展示）This is a magic DaHuoji（打火机）.（Jack按下打火机）（Superwoman上，胸前贴一张纸，上书S）

　　Superwoman:（向观众）Do you know who am I? I am Superwoman! The famous Superman is my brother. I’m willing to help others.

　　Rose: Would you please help us get away from here?（Superwoman无视，面向Jack）

　　Superwoman: Oh, pretty boy~ Come here, I will save you.

　　Jack: Take my girl together.

　　Superwoman: No way!（Superwoman下）（Jack第二次按下打火机）

　　（Indian Princess上，向观众合掌问候）

　　Princess: I am a princess from India.

　　Rose: Would you please help us get away from here?

　　Princess: OK. I have a magic blanket, maybe it can take you away. Come on.（从口袋里掏出围巾）（Jack & Rose 尝试伸出脚，Princess上下晃动围巾）

　　Princess: Oh, no, it’s broken! My blanket! （边说边后退，渐远）

　　（Indian Princess下）（Jack第三次还没按，Harry Potter上，提着扫帚）

　　Harry: Yi? Where am I? （向观众）My name is Harry Potter. I’m from Hogwarts（霍格沃茨）. I lose my way.

　　Rose: Would you please help us get away from here?

　　Harry: I really want to help you, but my ability is limited.（耸肩）

　　Jack:（愤怒地）Oh, my god! Go away at once! （指向前方）（Harry Potter下）

　　旁白：Suddenly, the life boat is shaking because Jack and Rose are too heavy.

　　Jack: Rose, listen to me. I love you, but I will leave you.The boat can’t support us for

　　a long time. You must live, so I will jump into the sea.

　　Rose: No, no, no. Jump or not jump, this is a question.

　　Jack: Then let the God decide it（二人低头虔诚祈祷状）

　　Rose: God will bless us.（Jack和Rose同时从身后伸出手来，包剪锤）

　　Jack & Rose: One two three!（Jack出锤子，Rose出包子）

　　Jack: I lose. You see, it’s God’s choice.（Rose连连摇头）

　　Rose: Oh, no. Jack, Jack, why your name is Jack!

　　Jack: I wish you a happy life. Good-bye!（Jack跳下桌子，Rose伸手拉，未果）

　　Rose: You jump, I jump.（Rose跳下桌子，O未死，继续叫救命……）

　　（旁白唱my heart will go on，音乐起，全剧终。Jack & Rose跳舞，张开手臂经典动作作结。）.

　　英语搞笑话剧剧本 7

　　人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒

　　J：沙僧

　　B：白骨精（何平） B1：B变成的'村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头

　　T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?

　　S: Bajie,map!

　　E: (摸出，递给S)

　　S: Look,boss (凑近T)………（T、S一起转向E）

　　T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!

　　E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)

　　T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west

　　E: But……

　　T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?

　　E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.

　　S: Fat Pig!

　　E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….

　　S: You will what(凶相)?

　　E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).

　　S: Hm!

　　T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?

　　E: You see , boss is hungry,too!

　　T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

　　J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..

　　T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?

　　S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）

　　J: This is…..?

　　S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!

　　T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!

　　S: Bye!(走)

　　T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》

　　B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)

　　B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?

　　J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.

　　B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!

　　T: Bomb?(打出)

　　B1: Double King!

　　T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)

　　S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)

　　B1: （倒)Ah……

　　T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!

　　S: She is a monster!

　　T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)

　　S: Oh,please don’t……

　　T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)

　　S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)

　　T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!

　　B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆)

　　B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?

　　T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)

　　S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)

　　E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)

　　J: Look,(伸食指)how many?

　　T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)

　　B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊)

　　S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)

　　T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives!

　　S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!

　　T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!

　　S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》

　　J: boss, brother Monkey is.......

　　T: Dont mention that guy any more!

　　B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)

　　T: （惊）You are......

　　B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)

　　B: (抓住T)Ill enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......

　　S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.

　　T: Wukong?

　　E: Oh,Brother Monkey!

　　J: Our hero is back!

　　T: I,I cant understand......What happened?

　　S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!

　　T: How,how did you find out?

　　S: (沉默).......Monkeys intuition(直觉)

　　T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)Im sorry(小声)

　　S: What?

　　T: Im sorry.

　　S: Em? Louder,please?

　　T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏）

　　(谢幕)

　　英语搞笑话剧剧本 8

　　人物： rabbit（小兔），fox（狐狸），monkey（小猴），tortoise（乌龟），mummy bear（熊妈妈），baby bear（熊宝宝），lion（狮子），bird（小鸟）。

　　布景：大森林背景，舞台右角是一座小房子，一棵木瓜树，中间有一棵大树，舞台左角有一块大石头，左角后台阶上有两棵桃树。

　　（大幕在抒情、优美的音乐声中徐徐开启）

　　:In this beautiful forest, There live many lovely animals, they love each other and live a happy life!

　　在一个美丽的大森林里，住着许许多多的小动物，他们在一起相亲相爱，生活得可幸福了！

　　第一景：小动物群舞

　　小兔舞（音乐：活泼、轻快、跳跃）

　　狐狸舞（扭动腰肢，跳节奏感极强的迪斯科）

　　乌龟舞（一伸一缩，音乐：缓慢、低沉、滑稽）

　　小猴舞（调皮、灵巧，可用西游记主题曲）

　　（音乐转为轻柔、舒缓，小兔一人旋转跳舞，音乐渐弱转为流水声，舞台灯光转暗，布景为湖边，木瓜树下。）

　　第二景：:"咕咚"（清晰而响亮）

　　小兔：（吃惊的样子，四处看看）What’s the matter?

　　什么东西？

　　（倒退几步，拔腿就跑，正好撞上了狐狸。）

　　狐狸：（奇怪的神情）What’s the matter? Why are you running?

　　跑什么呀？出了什么事？

　　小兔：（气喘嘘虚的样子）："Gu dong, Gu dong is coming."

　　咕咚，咕咚来了。

　　狐狸：（害怕的样子）：Oh! Horrible, let’s run.

　　哇！太可怕了，让我们跑吧！

　　（这时候，熊妈妈提着篮子和熊宝宝从树后走出来，正好看到慌慌张张奔跑的小兔和狐狸。）

　　熊妈妈：（很惊奇的样子）：What’s the matter? Why are you running?

　　出了什么事？你们跑什么呀？

　　小兔、狐狸（合）：Gu dong is coming.

　　小熊：（害怕并躲在妈妈的怀里）mummy mummy, I’m frightened.

　　妈妈、妈妈，我害怕！

　　熊妈妈：（安慰宝宝）Oh! dear, Don’t be frightened, let’s run quickly.

　　乖宝宝，别害怕，让我们跑吧！快，快

　　（小猴、小鸟、乌龟在另一角台阶的桃树上看到，感到很奇怪）

　　小猴：（指着奔跑的小动物）Why? Why are they all running?

　　为什么，为什么他们都在跑？

　　乌龟：（很神秘的样子）Perhaps, A monster!

　　也许，是妖怪来了！

　　小猴、小鸟：（非常恐惧的样子）Oh, horrible, let’s run!

　　啊呀！太可怕了，快跑呀！

　　乌龟：（慌慌张张地跟在后面）wait! just wait.

　　等一等！

　　（大狮子正在一块石头下睡觉，众人吵吵闹闹的声音吵醒了它。狮子大吼一声，伸伸懒腰。）

　　狮子：（很生气的样子） It’s very noise! Why ? why are you all running ?

　　太吵了，你们为什么都在跑呀？

　　众人合：（上气不接下气的样子）Gu dong, Gu dong is coming.

　　狮子：（感到很奇怪）Gu dong , What is it ? Where is it?

　　"咕咚",什么东西？在哪里？

　　（大家你看着我，我看着你，都在摇头。）

　　小猴：（问熊妈妈）Where?

　　在哪里？

　　熊妈妈：（摇摇头，）I don’t know.（转而问狐狸）Where

　　我不知道。在哪里？

　　狐狸：（摇摇头，）I don’t know.（转而问小兔）Where?

　　我不知道。在哪里？

　　（众人把目光都集中在小兔的身上。）

　　小兔：（挠挠脑袋，指着对面）It’s over there.

　　就在那边！

　　狮子：（很神气的'样子）Let’s go and see.

　　走，去看看。

　　（大伙互相看看，都表现出非常害怕的样子。）

　　狮子：（拍拍胸脯，很勇敢的样子）come on, follow me.

　　走，跟我走！

　　（音乐响，一段雄壮有力的进行曲，众人排着整齐的队伍，大踏步地往前走，快到树下时，脚步慢下来。音乐停，全场一片寂静。）

　　狮子：（四处张望）Where? There is nothing here.

　　在哪里？什么都没有啊！

　　（正在这时候，一阵风吹来，咕咚一声，一棵木瓜掉进了湖里。）

　　小猴：（指着湖边）Oh! It’s a papaya! Gu dong is a papaya!

　　噢！原来是木瓜呀！

　　（众人大笑，大幕在笑声中徐徐落下。）

　　The end.

　　全剧终

　　英语搞笑话剧剧本 9

　　甲:(作目瞪口呆状),

　　乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?

　　甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.

　　乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)

　　丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.

　　甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.

　　甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin

　　丙:OK!!! Ill use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.

　　near, far, wherever you are

　　i believe that the heart does go on

　　once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)

　　and youre here in my heart,

　　and my heart will go on and on.

　　甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.

　　Oh, Im dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise

　　丁:(对着乙的背影,沉思状)to be,or not to be,its a question!(走到甲面前牵起她的'手做亲吻状),Im glad to see you,my dear princess.

　　甲(做娇羞状):oh, its really a big surprise,so whats your name?

　　丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白痴的摇头),eh..,its ok,then how about Robin Meade?(摇头),and Melissa Theuriau?(摇头),(丁,情绪激动),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.

　　甲(指门,气愤状),you you you.....

　　丁:ok ok, it doesnt matter, you neednt learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah!

　　甲:I dont care who you are, just show me your talent.

　　甲(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, I cant stand, show you the door,

　　丁(转身离开,继续台词):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is (回头,对甲)10 thousand years.

　　甲:oh, its really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, Im dying,you three, come here,

　　三人跑进来,乙妩媚状:honey, you like my dance,right?

　　丙镇静状:director,you like my singing,right?

　　丁深情状:princess,you like my poet,right?

　　三人同声:we are past,right?

　　甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,Im sorry to tell you ....(接电话) What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(挂电话,低头),you three,(抬头),pass!

　　三人欢呼,说:we make it,we are superstar!

　　乙(甜蜜状):thats very sweet of you,we love you so much(飞个吻)

　　甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but Im look forward to your progress.Do you have confidence?

　　三人齐答:yes,we do!

　　甲伸手,三人搭上,同声,fight,fight,fight!

　　英语搞笑话剧剧本 10

　　开场介绍： Ladies and gentlemen,let me introduct the actor. The first is zhaoyun,he is the most actor tonight.and his black brother zhangfei ,and there boss liubei .dont forgot the other side Mr cao,and his adviser JiangGan,and the most strong XiaHou Dun.At last,dont forget who behind the scenes ME----the Director.

　　第一幕：人物，赵云夏侯惇曹操蒋干

　　旁白：就在刚才不久，一个黑大汉从曹操军中救出刘备之子刘阿斗，现在正向这里杀过来，他就是张飞!!!(赵云出场)Not too long ago,a black general saved the son of LiuBei ,Liu A dou.now,he is coming. His name is Zhangfei.

　　赵云：no!本人姓赵名云，乃常山子龙也! no! my family name is zhao my middle name is yun and my given name is zilong ~

　　(赵云从背后拿出一坨布，代表阿斗)

　　赵云：看!这就是主公的最后一点骨血!刘阿斗!我从火场之中把他救出，而我自己的脸却早已……唉……化作焦炭!(顾影自怜状)look! this is the last blood of the boss ! liu e dou . i took him out from the fire ,but my face hane already ...ai ~.

　　(夏侯敦挺着枪呈猫腰状杀出)

　　夏侯敦：小贼，莫跑，要不然我就大开杀戒了(冲到) Children， stop there or i will kill you

　　(赵云左手抱阿斗，右手与之搏斗)

　　赵云：可恶!居然敢偷袭我you bitch dare to attack me ??

　　(二人装腔作势打斗数招)

　　赵云：看我九阴白骨爪!!stop!! wait!!! one two three... nine dark white bone fingers!!

　　夏侯敦：唔!(倒地) oh my gad im over

　　赵云：此地不宜久留，还是快去寻主公!(下)yeah~ bitch i will go to look for my boss , goodbye~

　　(曹操、蒋干二人上)

　　曹操：没想到我们初次出兵便杀得敌人望风而逃!真可谓出师未捷身先死。长使英雄泪满襟! I didnt expect that we can beat the enemy with our first attack.

　　It reminds me of a poem, "Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. Long the hero Tearful"

　　蒋干：丞相，您说这话，真不见得怎么吉利。 Prime minister,It does not sound good about what you have said;

　　(曹操险些被地上的夏侯敦绊倒)

　　曹操：咦?这是谁扔的西瓜皮?(转身，看见倒在地上的夏侯敦)Huh? Who threw the banana rind?

　　曹操：是夏侯爱卿。难道他又在搞什么行为艺术??Do not Xiahou Dun?

　　Is he engaged in what is called performance art?

　　(蒋干上前将夏侯敦一顿拍打，二人站起)

　　曹操：夏侯爱卿为何要在地上装西瓜皮??Why do you want to install banana rind on the ground?

　　夏侯敦：有一人脸如黑炭手抱孩子there is a very black people witha baby in his band

　　蒋干：是敌人的保姆!还带个孩子!!!it Is enemys maid with a child in his arm.

　　曹操：那你呢?What did you do?

　　夏侯敦：i i i…… i rushed to him and fight with him imfightting fightting fightting我我…… 我冲上去与之打斗打打打

　　曹操：然后呢?What then?

　　蒋干：丞相，看来是夏侯将军杀退了敌人! Prime minister, it is likely that general Xiahou has defeated the enemy

　　夏侯敦：唔唔!(手势如下：指指门外，右手作“九”的样子，随即作全身发冷状，然后指向自己的衣服，再指向曹操，作爪击状)

　　曹操：然后呢? Then what happened?

　　夏侯敦：no no no I was defeated he used the nine cloud white bone finger ,its so terrible

　　(曹操、蒋干二人将夏侯敦拉起)

　　曹操：如此看来，敌人应该还没有走远。咱们乘胜追击!(慷慨状)It seems that the enemy should not go far. Lets run after them.

　　蒋干：有时候我真的很佩服丞相您这乐观的心理……(赞同状) Sometimes I really admires prime minister very much about your optimistic psychology ......

　　夏侯敦：唔!唔唔唔~!(抡起两拳，作欲与敌人搏斗状)

　　(三人下)

　　第二幕:人物：刘备张飞诸葛亮赵云

　　(刘备、张飞、诸葛亮三人上)

　　旁白：这是的刘备一行人正在军营外观看敌情~~~LiuBei and his team are looking something out of his military camp.

　　、

　　(诸葛亮走在前面，张飞、刘备二人紧跟其后)

　　诸葛亮：(转头)主公啊，按理说是您走先啦!(恭敬状)old liu ah,you should walk in front of us! Is not it?

　　刘备：不啦，军师您身后有好大块荫凉，躲在这里避避暑也不错。No，its very cool that I stand just behind you，I can avoid summer heat

　　诸葛亮：(眺望状)主公，如果我所料不错，现在马上就要下雨了!liu ah,come here! I tell you a secret! I think it is about to rain!

　　刘备：先生神算!人所不及!不知先生如何知道将要下雨?great prediction!No one can compare with you!just wonder how do you know its going to rain?

　　诸葛亮：首先，天气预报说今天有雨;其次，(以手指前方)看天，那边有一块黑云来了!First,the weather report told us it is going to rain today;second,look at the sky,so many dark clouds are coming!

　　(赵云上)

　　张飞：哇!那就是子龙啊，想不到这一会不见子龙就换了个新桌面啊!Ha! That is person who called long ah, I could not believe that you have changd a new tabletop without a minute!

　　(张飞迎上)

　　张飞：子龙! long

　　赵云：翼德救我! help!!! brother three.

　　(张飞下)

　　赵云：主公!云殊死力战，方保得小主人在此!只是这许久不见啼哭，怕是已经……(悲愤状，取出布包，打开并捧着) boss, i have trid my best to protect the little boss. but it have a long time to hear nothing. i am afraid...

　　赵云：kao!这小没良心的，居然还能睡的'着!就跟他爹一样!! oh ~ shit.how can the son of bitch get in asleep.just like his father

　　刘备：咳咳!

　　(赵云转身面向刘备)

　　诸葛亮：子龙，不是我说你，你嘴上就是少个把门儿的，总不能啥实话都往外说啊!?Zilong,not I tell you, although it is true,you should not say it out!

　　(刘备怒视诸葛亮，诸葛亮恍如不知，赵云上前，将阿斗递给刘备，刘备捧着阿斗)

　　刘备：为了你这倒楣孩子，几乎损我一员大将啊!我还留着你赶什么啊，我摔死你吧!!because of you，I almost lose a brave general!Why do I keep you alive，let me kill you!!(阿斗摔下)

　　(赵云上前，对准阿斗狂踹数脚，诸葛亮上前拉住，赵云始终作势欲踢，诸葛亮用身体压住赵云后，走上前去一脚将阿斗踢飞)

　　旁白：从今以后，阿斗的智力便出现了明显的发育迟缓……This is why liu a dou is so foolish that lost his country.

　　赵云：咦?怎么不见关二哥呢? yi ~~ where is brothe two GuanYu?

　　刘备：二弟昨天为军师摆下一个八卦阵去，不过在冲出去撞马的时候闪着腰了，现在还在休养呢!：He layout the BaGuaZhen for military adviser yesterday, but when he rushed out , he get his waist twisted, now he stay in bed.

　　诸葛亮：哎，太糟糕了，看我，多健康，多健壮!告诉他，多喝奶粉!(自恋状)!Oh,It is so bad! Look at me,so healthy,so strong!tell him to drink more sanlu milk powder!

　　赵云：就给这孩子喝成这样儿了!!!(走上前，抚摸诸葛亮，做怜惜状) so you drink to be a foolish?

　　曹操(在台下)：啊~!!!(惨烈地)

　　刘备：难道三弟又重操旧业了?咱们快去看看!Did zhangfei return to ones former career ?Go to see what happen?

　　(三人下)

　　第三幕：人物张飞曹操夏侯蒋干刘备诸葛亮

　　旁白：时间拨回到三分钟之前，张飞大战长坂坡……Go back to three minutes before the time set aside，zhangfei fight with caocaos army on changbanpo

　　(张飞上，在台上转一圈后，如京剧拿柱般亮相，定格)

　　曹操和蒋干：嘿嘿嘿嘿!(奸笑中)

　　夏侯敦：唔唔唔唔……(奸笑中)

　　(三人奸笑上台)写剧本 www.jiaokedu.com

　　张飞：哇!火腿肠你回来拉!! Wa!You, The hot dog, come back !

　　夏侯敦：我靠，又一个黑人，黑人都是很牛的，我怕了。 black man come again ， Blacks are very powerful，im afaid

　　曹操：阁下是何人，何以竟有如此美妙的声音!Excuse me. May I know your name? What a wonderful voice you have!

　　张飞：我便是那燕(yān)人张翼德!(咬牙)I am Zhang Yide from jingdu! (clenches teeth)

　　曹操：阉人??原来只是一个太监……夏侯敦，上去解决他!

　　You are the so called coward,arent you?xiahou,beat it!

　　(夏侯敦低头猫腰冲出)

　　夏侯敦：唔!唔~唔!

　　(二人打在一起)(定格)

　　蒋干：丞相，这一仗咱们必输，一会还有桥断水倒流呢!快叫夏侯将军下来吧。 Prime minister, we must have lose this Campaign , the bridge will also cut off the water soon!Lets call Xiahou general to get down quickly

　　曹操：你怎么知道?How dou you know it?

　　蒋干：《真三国无双叁》，长坂的任务啊!! "Really,it is the games duty of Three countries Unparalleled Three"!!

　　曹操：干啊，我看你是太沉迷于网络游戏了。这样既浪费时间又上海身体，你还是听为丞相的一句话吧!珍爱生命，远离三俗啊!

　　I think you are too addicted to online games. What a waste of time, and Its harmful,listen to me ,You must take good care of yourself.

　　(张飞与夏侯敦二人继续，张飞一枪击中夏侯敦)

　　夏侯敦：oh my gad i am over again又被打败了 (蒋干上前将夏侯敦拖回)

　　曹操：唉，如今这世道变了，太监都这么厉害啦!?

　　Why does that coward become so brave?

　　张飞：曹贼听着!今日汝等必不能生过此桥! cao ,stops talking! Today you all cant pass this bridge with a live one!

　　曹操：汝休得猖狂!今日要不是我手下典韦身死，许诸拉稀，于禁肺炎，李典麻疹，文聘肝癌，张辽痔疮，才不会输给你!shut up!If general dianwei was still alive,We would not be defeated!

　　张飞：你手下终究无人可用!啊，面对此景次请，我真想赋诗一首——Nobody may go to battle for you ,Facing this scenery,i really want to sing a song.er, on ......On ......(音乐起)only you ~~~~~only……you……

　　(夏侯敦跃起)

　　夏侯敦：唔唔唔……(以手捂耳，跑下)

　　曹操：啊!(惨厉的叫声，并以手捂耳)

　　蒋干：啊!(惨厉的叫声，并以手捂耳)

　　曹操：这难道就是传说中的门得尔松的c大调《鬼叫》协奏曲!何以如此震撼!(惊惶状)Why is this so shocking!

　　蒋干：(一手指张飞)快看!丞相!桥断了!水也开始倒流啦!!(转过身去，以手捂耳) Look, Prime minister! The bridge broke! The water also starts to flow backwards(音效：山崩地裂之声)

　　曹操：aaaaaaaaaa(痛苦吐血状)(定格)

　　(诸葛亮、刘备、赵云三人上)

　　诸葛亮：别唱啦!再唱下去就把曹操给唱死啦!Do not sing more,ok?if you go on singing,CaoCao will die because of your song!

　　刘备：三弟快打住!!(以手捂耳)Stop,stop!!(以手捂耳)

　　张飞：only you ~~~~~only……you……(余音不绝)

　　刘备：子龙，快把三弟扛回去。Zilong，carry zhangfei back quickly。