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笑死你不偿命的英文笑话一：Playing the crocodile 扮演鳄鱼
Playing the crocodile
Other school officials had already taken roles in student dramas.Now it was my turn, ad I was coerced into playing the crocodile ina high-school production of Peter Pan. My family was in the frontrow watching as I emerged on cue, encased in a heavy reptile suitwith jaws and a four-foot tail. Slithering awkwardly afterCaptain Hook, I fell off the stage, landing unhurt on theauditorium floor.
Asthe bloodthirsty cheers from the audience died down, I heard myson-in-law say to my daughter, “It’s time we started a family. Allthe other adults here are watching their kids perform. We, I’m 30years old and watching my mother-in-law fall off a stage in acrocodile suit.”
——Lou Cook(Alexandria，Va.)
扮演鳄鱼
其他的学校员工都已经在学校戏剧中扮演过角色了。现在轮到了我，我被迫在中学的节目《彼得.潘》中扮演鳄鱼。当我穿着沉重的带有鳄鱼嘴、四只脚和尾巴的爬行动物服装刚刚出现在舞台的时候，我的家人就坐在前排观看。我笨拙地跟在船长霍克后面爬行，掉下舞台，落到观众席前，尽管没有伤着。
沉寂的观众席上响起雷鸣般掌声的时候，我听到我女婿对我女儿说：“我们也该有个孩子了。这儿所有其他成年人都在观看他们孩子的表演，而我，一个30岁的人却在观看丈母娘穿着鳄鱼服装从舞台上掉了下来。”
——卢.库克(亚历山大，弗吉尼亚州)
笑死你不偿命的英文笑话二：Did You Know Him 你认识他吗
Did You Know Him 你认识他吗
At a dinner party in the home of friends, our host mentioned his highschool alma mater(母校，校歌) . One of the guests asked him if he had been a student there at the same time as a particular vice principal.
I sure was! answered the host. He's the biggest jerk I've ever met. Did you know him too?
Sort of, replied the guest. My mother married him last Saturday.
在朋友家的一次宴会上，主人提起一位高中时的校友。一位客人问他读书期间，某位副校长是否也在职。
当然了，主人答道。他是我见过的最大的混蛋。你也认识他吗?
有点认识，客人回答。我妈妈上周六嫁给了他。
笑死你不偿命的英文笑话三：墓地守墓人
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?
-- 墓地守墓人。
笑死你不偿命的英文笑话四：我们什么也没留下
We Left Nothing Mrs Brown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door: "NOBODY HOME. DON’T LEAVE ANYTHING." When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added: "THANKS! WE HAVEN’T LEFT ANYTHING!"
布朗太太要外出一天。 她锁好了房门，在门上给送牛奶的人钉了一张便条：“家里没人，请不要留下任何东西!” 她当天晚上回家后发现房间门被撞开，房子被洗劫一空。在她留给送奶人的便条上，她发现被补充了一句：“谢谢!我们什么也没留下!”
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