经常讲一些笑话，不仅能给自己到来快乐，还能感染他人，这里小编收集整理了笑死人不偿命英语笑话大全，一起来看看吧!
笑死人不偿命英语笑话篇一：Putting It In
A guy enters confessional and says to the priest with guilt, "I had an affair...almost."
The priest says, "What do you mean ’almost?’"
The guy says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed against each other, but then I stopped."
"In the eyes of the Lord, rubbing against each other is the same as putting it in," says the priest. "For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $20 in the poor box."
The guy leaves the confessional, says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment then starts to leave.
The priest, seeing this, quickly runs over to him and says, "You didn’t put any money in the poor box!"
The guy stops and says, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $20 on the box, and in the eyes of the Lord, that’s the same as putting it in."
笑死人不偿命英语笑话篇二：Biblical Love
After a few days on the new Earth, the Lord called to Adam and said, ''It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her.'' Adam answered, ''Yes, Lord, but what is a 'kiss'?''
The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, ''Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable.''
And the Lord replied, ''Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. Now, I'd like you to caress Eve.'' And Adam said, ''What is a 'caress'?'' So, the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve. Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, ''Lord, that was even better than the kiss.''
And the Lord said, ''You've done well Adam. And now, I want you to make love to Eve.'' And Adam asked, ''What is 'make love', Lord?'' So, the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he re-appeared in two seconds. And Adam said, ''Lord, what is a 'headache'?''
笑死人不偿命英语笑话篇三：The Way To Heaven
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and
she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of
your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in
front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your
legs."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face.
"Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the
other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God,I'm coming!"
If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."
The nun fainted
笑死人不偿命英语笑话篇四：Beggars In Mexico
Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a Cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.
A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: 'Young man. Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David.'
The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the cross and says 'Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?
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