英文的笑话（精选11个）
会讲笑话的人都是有幽默感的人，有幽默感的人患上抑郁症的可能性就大为减少，接下来一起来看看爆笑英文的笑话大全，看看你的幽默指数吧!
英文的笑话 1
Elisa:How do you make a tissue dance
Bob:How?
Elisa:put a little boogie in it!
英文的笑话 2
A man comes to dinner at a new friends house. While they eat, the new friends small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, "Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?"
The kid says, "Daddy told me you were a self-made man."
"I am."
"Well, why did you make yourself like that?"
英文的笑话 3
Little Johnny is passing his parents bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved that Johnnys not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
英文的笑话 4
It was that time during the Sunday morning service for "the childrens sermon," and all the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastors clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says its hell to iron."
英文的笑话 5
Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room .
强尼因为不乖就被赶进他的房间。
After a while emerged and informed his mother that he had thought over and then said a prayer .
过了一会儿。他就出来跟他的妈妈说他已缓!彻底反省，而且事后祷告了。
"Fine",said the pleased mother.
满心欢喜的妈妈说：“很好，
"If you ask God to help you not misbehave,He will help you."
如果你求上帝帮勘你不要不乖，她就会帮助你。”
"Oh,I didnt ask Him to help me not misbehave,"said Johnny.
强尼说："哦，我没有求她帮助我不要不乖;
"I asked him to help you put up with me."
我求它帮助你来忍受我。”
英文的.笑话 6
不必付钱!
Driving through the hill country of Texas，just north of San Antonio，we watched the sky turn a brilliant orange at sunset. At my wifes pleading，we stopped and walked up a hill，which turned out to be the top of a cliff. Before us lay the picturesque postcard setting we had been looking for
during all our vacation. Below was a large green valley circled by hills. Exhilarated by the tangerine sky, long shadows，and a slight breeze carrying the scent of green grass，my wife suddenly shouted:“Thank you，Mother Nature，for so much beautyl”
开车经过德克萨斯州的山丘地带，也就是圣·安扎尼奥的正北。在黄昏时，我们看到天空中出现了一道道金色的光芒。在老婆哟请求下，我们停了车，来到了小山坡土。这里正好是悬崖的顶端，在我们面前展现出了一种名信片上的景色。这正是我们整个假期都在寻找的地方。山坡下是一片群山环抱的绿色山谷，橙色的天空，一片片绿草地。一阵微风吹过来，送来了一阵草的芳香。我老婆突然喊到:“谢谢你，大自然的毋亲，感谢你给我们这么美丽的'风景。”
Then, a distant voice was heard from across the valley:"No charge!”
接着，从远处山谷的那一边传来了一声，“不要付钱了。”
英文的笑话 7
两全齐美
Early one morning, my next-door neighbor set to work with a power hedge-trimmer. He was half through the job when a neighbor appeared，still in his pajamas. He was carrying his own power clipper and offered his help, which was gratefully accepted. When the job was done, my neighbor thanked his benefactor，commenting that it had been "a real neighborly act".
一天清晨，我隔壁的邻居在用一个电动剪修机修草坪。当他干到一半儿的`时侯，另一个邻居也来了。他仍穿着睡衣，手里拿着他自家的电动剪修机，说是来帮忙的。这个要求当然不会被拒绝了。活干完时，我那位受益的都居对他表示了谢意，还评论说:“这才是真正的部居。”
"Dont mention it，“replied the other man. "I figured,by helping you，it would only take half as long and I could get back to sleep!"
另一个邻居却说:“不用客气。我算了一下，帮你一个忙，可以节省一半时间，然后我还能回去睡觉。”
英文的笑话 8
因祸得福
Although my mother，a native of Japan, has lived for 55 years in the United States，she has not adapted complete1y to the cultural change. This is especiallly obvious during her infrequent forays into a large city.
我母亲是日本人，她已在美国生活了55年了，但是，她仍没完全适应这异国的文化。当她偶尔去一次大城市，这种不适应就显得更明显了。
One day she boarded a bus in Los Angeles，deposited a $5 bill in the coin box and held out her hand for change.Because the coin box is not built to accept paper money，the bus driver growled:“Okay，lady. If you get that bill out,you can ride for free. Otherwise were going to have to dis-mantle this coin box."
一天，她在洛杉矶上了一辆会共汽车。她取出5元的`纸币把它塞进了收币机，然后，她仲出手等着找钱.由于收币机不能接收纸币，所以司机大声地吼道:“好了，太大，如果
你能把那纸币取出来，你今天乘车就免费。否则，我们只好拆机器了。”
My mother hesitated but a moment, then opened her purse，took out a pair of chopsticks，retrieved the bill and smiled as she took her seat.
我母亲犹豫了一会儿，然后打开她的手包，拿出了一副筷子，用它把钱夹了出来。她面带着笑容找了个空座位坐下了。
英文的笑话 9
guardian angle守护天使
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice:
有一名男子正走在街上的时候听到一个声音：
"Stop!Stand still!If you take one more step,a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
“停!站住不要动瞅口果你再走一步，就会有一个砖块掉到你的头上砸死你。”
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
这名男子停住了，一个大砖块就掉在他的面前。
The man was astonished .
这名男子非常惊讶。
He went on,and after a while he was going to cross the road.
他继续向前走：不久后，他要穿越马路。
Once again the voice shouted;
那个声音再次叫说：
Stop!Stand still!If you take one more step a car will over you and you will die."
“停!站住不要动，如果你再走一步，就会有一辆汽车辗过你，你就会死掉。”
The man did as he was instructed,这名男子因为曾被指示过，所以就照着做，just as a car came careening around the corner,barely missing him.
此时正好有一辆汽车左摇右晃地冲过转角处，差一点撞上他。
"Where are you? " the man asked,"Who are you? "
这名男子问说：“你在哪里?你是谁?”
"I am your guardian angle," the voice answered.
这个声音回答说：“我是你的.守护天使。…”
"Oh yeah?" the man asked."And where the hell were you when I got married?"
这名男子问说：“喔，是吗?那我结婚的时候：你死到哪里去了?”
英文的笑话 10
购物
Our supermarket had a sald on boneless chicken breasts,and a woman I know ontended to stock up .
我们的超级市，场在廉价拍卖无骨鸡胸，我认识的某位女士打算去多买一些。
At the store,However,she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portopns of the poultry,
然而，到了这家肉店的时候她感到很失望，因为只找到一点点事先就包装好的鸡肉，
so she complained to the butcher.
所以她就向这位肉店老板抱怨。
"dont worry,lady," he said.
他说：“小姐，别担心，
"I will pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."
我会替你多包几盘，在你买完东西的时候把它们准备好。”
Several aisles later ,my friend heard the butchers voice boom over th public-address system:
逛完几个走道之后，我的朋友听到肉店老板的声音透过公共广播系统隆隆地说
"Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store?"
“那位想要大胸部的'小姐请到本店后方来见我好吗?”
英文的笑话 11
Why me lord主啊为什么是我
A man was wandering around in a field ,有名男子在田野里徘徊
thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her,心里想着他的'老婆对他有多么好，他多么幸运拥有她。
He asked God,"Why did you make her so kind hearted?"
他问上帝：“你为什么要把她造得这么心地善良?”
The Lord responded,"So you could love her ,my son."
主响应说：“我儿呀，这样你就会爱她呀。”
"Why did you make her so good looking?"
“你为什么要把她造得这么貌美呢?”
"So you could love her,my son ."
“我儿呀，这样你就会爱她呀。”
"Why did you make her such a good cook?"
“你为什么要把她造成一个很会做饭菜的人呢?”
"So you could love her,my son."
“我儿呀，这样你就会爱她呀。”
The man thought about this.
这名男子想了一下这件事。
Then he said ," I dont mean to seem ungrateful or anything,but,why did you make her so stupid? "
然后他说:“我并不是有意好像我不知好歹，或是什么的,可是，你为什么把她造得这么笨?”
"So she could love you,my son."
“ 我儿呀，这样她就会爱你呀。”
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