英文短篇笑话故事

时间：2025-09-05 18:11:02 诗琳英语笑话我要投稿

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英文短篇笑话故事（通用14篇）

　　幽默的人不仅仅会说笑话，还要懂得他人说的笑话，来测试一下你的幽默细胞的指数有多高吧!

英文短篇笑话故事（通用14篇）

　　英文短篇笑话故事 1

　　Hours of consultation 诊疗时间

　　It was half pass three. The doctor just lay down to have a nap when he heard a loud knock on the door. He got up and asked the man at the door: "What is it?"

　　"Ive been bitten by a dog," said the man painfully.

　　"Well, dont you know that my hours of consultation are between twelve and three?" said the doctor unpleasantly.

　　"I know," groaned the man, "but that confounded(困惑的.) dog didnt know, It bit me at twenty past three."

　　下午三点半钟时，医生刚刚躺下想小睡一会儿，就听到有人大声敲门。他起身问门口的人：“什么事呀?”

　　门口那个人痛苦地说：“我被狗咬了。”

　　医生很不高兴地说：“哦，你不知道我诊病的时间是12点到3点吗?”

　　那个人呻吟着说：“我知道，可是那只该死的狗不知道。它在3点20分咬了我。”

　　英文短篇笑话故事 2

　　Ill Change My Name 我会改一个名字

　　At the age of 16, Edely decided to leave home and join a theater company. His father wasappalled(惊骇的.), "A son of mine on the stage? Its a disgrace!" he wailed. "What if the neighbors find out?"

　　"Ill change my name," the comic-to-be volunteered. "

　　"Change your name!" His father screamed. "What if youre a success? How will the neighbors know its my son?"

　　埃迪十六岁了，他决定离开家去参加一个剧团。他的爸爸气坏了。 “让我的儿子上舞台演戏?真丢脸!”他大叫道，“邻居们知道了怎么想?”

　　“我会改一个名字。”这位未来的滑稽演员主动提出。

　　“改名字!”他爸爸喊叫着，“那如果你出了名怎么办?怎么让邻居们知道你就是我的儿子呢?”

　　英文短篇笑话故事 3

　　My God 我的上帝啊

　　A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector.

　　Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up："Youve been on for five miles -- thatll be 50 pennies, please, and 10 pennies for your suitcase."

　　The Scotsman responds："I havent, I want to have a penny fare, just got on this very moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector become more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsmans suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

　　It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "My God!Not only are you treat to overcharge me for the ticket—but now youre gone a drowned my boy Jenny."

　　一个苏格兰人提着一只大箱子，坐上了一辆开往伦敦的汽车。上车后，在汽车行驶了5英里的这段路上，他一直在试图躲开售票员。

　　售票员最终还是找到了他，并叫他补票:“你已经坐了5英里了，请付50便士，你的箱子还要付10便士。”

　　苏格兰人答道：“我是不会付那么多钱的。我只付1便士，因为我刚刚上车。”最后，他们争吵起来。售票员越吵越生气，终于在车子行驶到伦敦大桥上时，抓起苏格兰人的箱子，用力扔出了车外。

　　箱子掉进河里，沉了下去。苏格兰人惊呆了，怔怔地站在那里，片刻之后对售票员说：“我的`上帝啊!你不仅向我多收票钱，现在还淹死了我的儿子强尼。”

　　英文短篇笑话故事 4

　　Two guys were riding down the street in a car. They come to a red light. The driver runs the red light. The passenger cries out "Hey, why did you do that?" The driver says, "Dont worry about it, my brother does it all the time."

　　两个男人开车前行，路遇一红灯，司机呼啸而过。乘客大叫：“嘿!你干吗这样做?”司机说：“别担心，我兄弟经常这么干。”

　　They came to another red light, and the same thing happens. The passenger is visibly upset and threatens to get out of the car the next chance he gets. At the next light, which is green, the driver slams on his brakes and comes to a screeching halt(停).

　　又遇一红灯，司机依旧呼啸而过。乘客显然愤怒了，威胁说如果下次再闯红灯他就下车。路遇一绿灯，司机猛踩刹车，车子嘎然而止。

　　The passenger is confused and asks, "What the heck is wrong with you? You ran two red lights but you stop at the green one."

　　乘客迷惑了，问道：“你有病吧?刚才闯了两个红灯，现在绿灯了你倒停了。”

　　The driver responds: "My brother might be coming from the other way!"

　　司机回答：“我兄弟可能会从那边过来。”

　　英文短篇笑话故事 5

　　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的.美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

　　It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

　　这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

　　英文短篇笑话故事 6

　　A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

　　一对夫妇结婚已经25年了，正在一起庆祝他们的结婚纪念日和60岁生日。

　　During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

　　正庆祝时，一位仙女从天而降说25年来他们一直相亲相爱，她将实现他们每个人一个愿望。

　　The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

　　妻子说想环游世界。仙女握住了她的.手，只听轰的一声。妻子手中出现了各种入场券和票。

　　Next, it was the husbands turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, Id like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

　　接着就该丈夫许愿了。他顿了一下，然后不好意思地说：“嗯，我想要一个比我年轻30岁的妻子。”

　　The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

　　仙女拿起魔杖，只听轰的`一声!丈夫变成90岁的老翁了。

　　英文短篇笑话故事 7

　　因祸得福

　　Although my mother，a native of Japan, has lived for 55 years in the United States，she has not adapted complete1y to the cultural change. This is especiallly obvious during her infrequent forays into a large city.

　　我母亲是日本人，她已在美国生活了55年了，但是，她仍没完全适应这异国的文化。当她偶尔去一次大城市，这种不适应就显得更明显了。

　　One day she boarded a bus in Los Angeles，deposited a $5 bill in the coin box and held out her hand for change.Because the coin box is not built to accept paper money，the bus driver growled:“Okay，lady. If you get that bill out,you can ride for free. Otherwise were going to have to dis-mantle this coin box."

　　一天，她在洛杉矶上了一辆会共汽车。她取出5元的.纸币把它塞进了收币机，然后，她仲出手等着找钱.由于收币机不能接收纸币，所以司机大声地吼道:“好了，太大，如果

　　你能把那纸币取出来，你今天乘车就免费。否则，我们只好拆机器了。”

　　My mother hesitated but a moment, then opened her purse，took out a pair of chopsticks，retrieved the bill and smiled as she took her seat.

　　我母亲犹豫了一会儿，然后打开她的手包，拿出了一副筷子，用它把钱夹了出来。她面带着笑容找了个空座位坐下了。

　　英文短篇笑话故事 8

　　guardian angle守护天使

　　A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice:

　　有一名男子正走在街上的'时候听到一个声音：

　　"Stop!Stand still!If you take one more step,a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

　　“停!站住不要动瞅口果你再走一步，就会有一个砖块掉到你的头上砸死你。”

　　The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.

　　这名男子停住了，一个大砖块就掉在他的面前。

　　The man was astonished .

　　这名男子非常惊讶。

　　He went on,and after a while he was going to cross the road.

　　他继续向前走：不久后，他要穿越马路。

　　Once again the voice shouted;

　　那个声音再次叫说：

　　Stop!Stand still!If you take one more step a car will over you and you will die."

　　“停!站住不要动，如果你再走一步，就会有一辆汽车辗过你，你就会死掉。”

　　The man did as he was instructed,这名男子因为曾被指示过，所以就照着做，just as a car came careening around the corner,barely missing him.

　　此时正好有一辆汽车左摇右晃地冲过转角处，差一点撞上他。

　　"Where are you? " the man asked,"Who are you? "

　　这名男子问说：“你在哪里?你是谁?”

　　"I am your guardian angle," the voice answered.

　　这个声音回答说：“我是你的守护天使。…”

　　"Oh yeah?" the man asked."And where the hell were you when I got married?"

　　这名男子问说：“喔，是吗?那我结婚的时候：你死到哪里去了?”

　　英文短篇笑话故事 9

　　Flowers

　　花

　　A new business was opening and one of the owners friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

　　有一家公司开幕，老板的其中一位朋友为了这件太事要送他花。

　　They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,

　　他们到达了新的.公司地点，老板读了卡片的内容：

　　"Rest in Place."

　　“安息吧”。

　　The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

　　老板非常生气就打电话给花店抱怨。

　　After he had told the florist of the obvious mitake

　　就在他告诉花店这项明显的错误，

　　and how angry he was ,

　　以及他有多么生气之后，

　　the florist replied,

　　花庙却回答说：

　　"Sir,I am really sorry for the mistake,

　　“先生，我真的对于这项错误感到十分抱歉，

　　but rather than getting angry,

　　但是与其生气，

　　you should imagine this :

　　你还不如应当想象

　　somewhere there is a funeral taking place today,

　　以下这个情况：今天有一个地方在举行葬礼，

　　and they have flowers with a note saying,

　　他们收到了花，还附上一张纸条说：

　　‘Congratulations on your new location "

　　‘恭喜新居落成!”’

　　英文短篇笑话故事 10

　　两全齐美

　　Early one morning, my next-door neighbor set to work with a power hedge-trimmer. He was half through the job when a neighbor appeared，still in his pajamas. He was carrying his own power clipper and offered his help, which was gratefully accepted. When the job was done, my neighbor thanked his benefactor，commenting that it had been "a real neighborly act".

　　一天清晨，我隔壁的邻居在用一个电动剪修机修草坪。当他干到一半儿的时侯，另一个邻居也来了。他仍穿着睡衣，手里拿着他自家的电动剪修机，说是来帮忙的。这个要求当然不会被拒绝了。活干完时，我那位受益的`都居对他表示了谢意，还评论说:“这才是真正的部居。”

　　"Dont mention it，“replied the other man. "I figured,by helping you，it would only take half as long and I could get back to sleep!"

　　另一个邻居却说:“不用客气。我算了一下，帮你一个忙，可以节省一半时间，然后我还能回去睡觉。”

　　英文短篇笑话故事 11

　　In the supermarket

　　在超市里

　　The man approached a very beautiful woman in a supermatrket and asked, "You know, lve lost my wife hare in the supermarket.Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?¨

　　在一个超市里，一个男子走向一位非常漂亮的小姐，对她说：”我和我的`妻子走散了，你能和我聊一会儿吗？“

　　"Why ?¨she asks．

　　“为什么呢？”这个小姐问。

　　"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman.my wife appears out of nowhare."

　　“因为每当我与漂亮小姐聊天时，我的妻子就会不知从什么地方出来。

　　英文短篇笑话故事 12

　　Dying in peace安然死亡

　　Helen was on her deathbed ,海伦躺在她临终的病床上奄奄一息。

　　with her husband Jack at her side.

　　她的`丈夫陪在她的身旁。

　　He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face.

　　他握着她冰冷的手，泪水静静地从他的脸上流下来。

　　Her pale lip moved. "Jack," she said,"

　　她苍白的嘴唇颤动着。她说：“杰克，”

　　Hush," he quickly interrupted, "Dont talk."

　　他很快就打断说：“嘘，不要说话。”

　　But she insisted,"Jack,"she said in her tired voice.

　　但是她坚持要说。她以疲惫的声音说：

　　"I have to talk.I must confess.”

　　“杰克，我一定要说。我必须向你坦白。”

　　"There is nothing to confess,"said the weeping Jack.

　　满脸泪水的杰克说：“没什么好坦白的。

　　"Its all right.Everythings all right."

　　没关系。一切都没事。”

　　"No,No!I must die in peace.I must confess,Jake ,that I have been unfaithful to you."

　　“不，不，我必须死得安心。我一定要坦白我对你不忠;红杏出墙。”

　　Jack stroked her hand .

　　杰克抚摸着她的手。

　　"Now ,Helen,dont be concerned.I know all about it," he sobbed.

　　他啜泣着说：“海伦，现在你不要担心了。我全部都知道了。

　　"Why else would I poison you ?"

　　不然我为什么要毒死你呀?"

　　英文短篇笑话故事 13

　　The little girl was sitting in her grandfathers lap as he read her a story. From time to time, she would take her eyes’ off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.

　　小女孩坐在祖父的膝上读故事。她时不时的从书上转移视线抬起头来碰到他褶皱的`脸。随后她摸摸自己的脸颊又回去摸摸祖父的'。

　　Finally she spoke, "Granddaddy, did God make you?"

　　最后她问：“爷爷，是上帝创造的你吗？”

　　"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

　　“是啊，甜心。”他回答道：“上帝很久前创造出了我。”

　　"Oh" she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?"

　　“喔。”她回答。接着又问道：“爷爷，上帝也创造了我吗？”

　　"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."

　　“是啊，当然了宝贝。”他向她保证：“上帝只是不久前创造的你。”

　　"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "Gods getting better at it now isnt he?"

　　“喔。”她回答。又分别感受了两人的脸颊，边观察边说：“上帝的技术越来越好了，是不？”

　　英文短篇笑话故事 14

　　Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents house. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers, when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs: "I pray for a bicycle. I pray for a new toy."

　　两个小男孩在祖父母家过夜。睡觉的`时候，两个小男孩跪在床边开始祈祷，这时小一些的孩子扯开嗓子大声喊道：“我祈求得到一辆自行车。我祈求有一个新玩具。”

　　His older brother leaned over, nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isnt deaf."

　　他的'哥哥靠过来，用肘轻碰他说：“你为什么这么大声喊叫呢？上帝又不是聋子。”

　　To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

　　弟弟回答说：“是的，但是奶奶听不到呀！”

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