愚人节英语笑话短文

时间：2022-04-02 10:42:45 英语笑话我要投稿

愚人节英语笑话短文

　　短文指报纸或期刊上的一段短的新闻报道或特写或篇幅短的文章。以下是小编为大家整理的愚人节英语笑话短文，希望对你有所帮助！

愚人节英语笑话短文

　　精神病医生

　　Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"

　　杰瑞去看精神病医生。“医生，我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候，我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了!”“给我一年时间，”医生说，“每周来三次，我会治好你。”“费用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我会认真考虑的。”杰瑞答道。六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“为什么你再也没来呢?”医生问。“一次一百块钱吗?有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他让我把床腿锯掉。现在那没人了!”

　　死后重生

　　"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

　　“你相信人能死后重生吗?”老板问他的一个员工。 “我相信，先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。 “哦，那还好”。老板接着说。 “你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后，她老人家到这儿看你来了。”

　　他什么都没听到

　　Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

　　我在邮局上班，对于顾客们的各种情绪早已习以为常了。所以，有一天当一个生气的顾客气冲冲地来到我的工作台时，我还是非常平静地问她，“有什么问题吗?”“我早上上街了，”女顾客说，“我回到家的时候，我看到一个卡片，卡片说邮递员要给我们家送包裹，但没人在家。可是我的丈夫整个早上都在家啊。他说他什么都没听到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹给了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顾客喜形于色。“我们等这东西都等多少年了!”“是什么好东西?”我问。“我丈夫的新助听器”。

　　有效

　　Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

　　汤姆早上老起不来，所以上班总是迟到。他的老板非常生气，警告他如果他不能有所改善的话就炒他的鱿鱼。于是，汤姆去看医生，医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗药。汤姆照医生的话做了，睡得非常之好，事实上，他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。汤姆从容不迫地吃完早餐，然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。 “老板”，汤姆说，“那药真管用，我的`睡眠好极了!” “是够管用的，”老板说，“问题是，昨天你人哪去了”?

　　两个笨贼

　　Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

　　两个盗贼在一家旅馆偷东西。第一个说：“我听到警报响了，快跳吧!” 第二个说：“但是我们现在在第13层啊!” 第一个尖叫着回敬他：“都什么时候了，还这么迷信!”

　　一场特殊的足球比赛

　　Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, "Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream."

　　"Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher.

　　"Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time." replied Mike.

　　麦克上学迟到了。他对布莱克老师说：“对不起，老师，今天早上我迟到了。因为我在梦里观看了一场球赛。”

　　“为什么它会让你迟到呢?”老师问道。

　　“因为这两个队都没有能力获胜，所以就持续的时间长了。”麦克回答说。

　　《Two Birds》两只鸟

　　Teacher: ”Here are two birds,one is a swallow,the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which?“

　　Student: ”I cannot point out but I know the answer.“

　　Teacher: ”Please tell us.“

　　Student: ”The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.“

　　老师：”这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?“

　　学生：”我指不出，但我知道答案。“

　　老师：”请说说看。“

　　学生：”燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。“

　　生难词：swallow n.燕子 sparrow n.麻雀

　　I Don't Like an Argument 我不想争论

　　”Gerald,“asked the teacher,”what is the shape of the earth?“

　　”It's round,“answered Gerald.

　　”How do you know it's round?“continued the teacher.

　　”All right,it's square then,he replied,I really don't feel like getting into an argument about it!

　　”杰拉尔德，“老师问：”地球是什么形状?“

　　”是圆形的，“杰拉尔德回答道。

　　”你怎么知道是圆的?“老师又问。

　　”好吧，那它是方的，“学生回答说：”我可不想与你争论这件事情。“

　　生难词：square adj.平方的，方形的

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