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爆笑精彩英语笑话（通用10篇）
笑话是一种简单的艺术语言，能让我们变得快乐，今天我们就一起来看看爆笑精彩英语笑话吧!
爆笑精彩英语笑话 1
There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow.
曾经有只蜗牛，它对自己动作慢的名声感到了厌恶和疲倦。
Hedecided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.
他决心去弄些跑得飞快的轮子来改变这种境况。
After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get.
逛了一圈之后，它决定买Datson 240-Z。
So the snail goes to the nearest Datsundealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".
去了最近的Datsun经销店，去买Datson 240-Z，但是它想把这辆车重新刷漆，改称240-S。
The dealer asks, "Why S?"
经销商问：“为什么是S呢?”
The snail replies, "S stands for snail.
蜗牛回答说：“‘s’代表蜗牛。
I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know whos driving."
我想让每一个看见我呼啸而过的人知道是谁在开车。”
Well, the dealer doesnt want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail,
经销商不想失去把汽车卖给蜗牛这样一个机会，
so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
所以他同意收取些许费用，把车重新涂漆。
The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed.
蜗牛开着它的'新车，把自己的余生都用在了快乐地高速行使在告诉公路上。
And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, theyd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
而不论何时任何人看见它飞驰而过的时候，都会说：“哦!看那S-car 。”
爆笑精彩英语笑话 2
one day, a father and his little son were going home. at this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. now, he asked, "whats the meaning of the word drunk, dad?" "well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. if i regard the two policemen as four then i am drunk."
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”
"but, dad," the boy said, " theres only one policeman!"
“可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀!”
爆笑精彩英语笑话 3
who was the first man? 谁是世界上第一个男人
a teacher said to her class:”who was the first man?”
一个老师问她的学生：“谁是世界上第一个男人”
“george washington,” a little boy shouted promptly.
一个小男孩立刻大声说：“乔治.华盛顿。”
“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.
老师带着宠溺的`笑容问这个男生：“你如何证明乔治华盛顿是世界上第一个男人呢。”
“because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”
这个男孩子说：“因为，他是第一个挑起战争，第一个主张和平，并且是第一个深得民心的人。”
爆笑精彩英语笑话 4
A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "Im not dead. Im still alive."
"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害。”
医生说：“恐怕他已经死了。”
听到医生的.话，这个男人转动着头说：“我没死，我还活着。”
妻子说：“安静，医生比你懂得多。”
爆笑精彩英语笑话 5
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.
一个被告卷入了一桩牵涉大笔资金的诉讼案，他去找他的律师。
A:If I lose this case, Ill be ruined.
如果我输了这场官司，我就完了。
B:Its in the judges hand now.
这事掌握在法官的手上。
A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?
如果我给法官送一箱雪茄，会不会起点作用?
B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldnt even smile ai the judge.
哦.不会的!这位法官很固执，非常注意职业道德。这种花招只会让他对你产生偏见，他甚至会认为你蔑视法庭。事实上，你甚至都不用对他微笑。
With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,
最后，法官作了一个有利于被告的判决，当被告离开法院时。
A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.
谢谢你关于雪茄的忠告，这很管用。
B:Im sure we wodd have lost the caae if youd sent them.
如果你送了的.话，我肯定会输掉这场官司。
A:But did send them.
但是我的确送了。
B:What? You did?!
什么?你送了?!
A:Yes.Thats how we won the case.
对，这就是我们会赢这场官司的原因。
B:I dont understand.
我不明白。
A:Its easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiffs business card.
这很简单，我把雪茄送到了法官那里，但是附上了原告的一张名片。
爆笑精彩英语笑话 6
不必再看眼科医生了
It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.
我己经很多年没做眼睛检查了。我妻子总是催我去挂个号。她越是督我，我越是耽搁不去。最后，她替我挂了个号。
The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,
在我去见医生的前一天，我的情绪特别好。我对妻于又是亲又是抱，还说她是我眼里最漂亮的'女人.
"That does it,”she said.“Im canceling your appointment."
她说:“这回眼睛没问题了，那我现在就去把号退了。”
爆笑精彩英语笑话 7
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.孩子们在天主教学校的`自助食堂中排队打午饭。
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
在桌子的前端有一大堆苹果。修女写了一张字条，把它贴在了苹果盘上：“只能拿一个，上帝在看着。”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
继续排着队向前走，在桌子的尽头有一大堆巧克力脆饼。
A child had written a note, "Take all you want.God is watching the apples."
一个孩子写了张字条：“随便拿，上帝在看着苹果。”
爆笑精彩英语笑话 8
On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course.
大学的第一天，文学课我坐在了前排。
The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.
教授告诉我们这学期必须得读五本书，他提供我们可供选择的作者名单。
Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."
随后他缓步走上讲台，拿出课本，“贝克、布莱克、布鲁斯、卡特、库克…”
I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "Hes taking attendance."
为了写下所有的名字，我不得不疯狂的.作着记录。这时有人轻轻的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的学生悄悄告诉我：“他在点名呢。”
爆笑精彩英语笑话 9
Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, Whats the time, please?
After a few months, Dan said to himself, Im not going to answer all those stupid people any more. Im going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here. Then he did so.
Now people arent going to stop and ask me the time, he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, Is that clock right?
丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的.门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:请问现在几点?
几个月后，丹想：我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。
现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。他高兴地想。可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹：这钟准吗?
爆笑精彩英语笑话 10
A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Dont you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?" he demanded.
一位公路巡警截住了一个超速司机。“难道你不知道闪烁灯和警笛的意思吗？”他责问道。
"Yes, sir," replied the driver.
“知道，长官，”司机回答说。
"Then why didnt you pull over immediately?"
“那你为什么不立即靠边停车？”
"I would have, officer, " the man said. "But last month my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.
“我本来想这样做的，长官。”那男子回答说，“但上个月我妻子和一位警察私奔了，我是害怕你把她带回来。”
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