幽默爆笑英语笑话简短（通用14则）
要是有一则笑话解决不了的事，那就两则笑话，看笑话，能让我们变得开心，以下是小编精心整理的幽默爆笑英语笑话简短，欢迎大家分享。
幽默爆笑英语笑话简短 1
At a Department Store 在百货商店里
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?”
一个结巴壮汉走进一家百货公司问柜员：“男……男装部在……在哪儿?”
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
柜台后的柜员看着他不搭话。
The man repeats himself, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him.
那男人又重复道：“男装……装部在……在哪儿?”柜员还是不理他。
The guy asks several more times, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” And the clerk just seems to ignore him. Finally, the guy is angry and storms off.
壮汉问了好几遍柜员依旧如故。最后，壮汉气冲冲地走了。
The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, “Why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s questions?”
排在后面的顾客问那个柜员：“你怎么不答人家话呀?”
The clerk answers, “D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!”
柜员说：“你……你觉着我……我想找打……打是吧!?”
幽默爆笑英语笑话简短 2
摩西和耶稣
A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "Whats your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".
一个窃贼潜入一户人家。他看到一个喜欢的CD机，他赶紧拿了。就在这个时候他听到有人说：“耶稣正在看着你。”他照着手电看来看去，嘀咕着：“到底是什么人在说话?”这时，他看到桌子上有些钱，他又拿了。那声音又来了：“耶稣正在看着你。”他躲到一个角落，想找出是谁在说话。结果看到一只鹦鹉，于是他问鹦鹉：“是你在说话吗?”鹦鹉承认了。 小贼说：“你叫什么名字?”“摩西”。小贼说：“什么人给鸟取这种名字?”鹦鹉回答：“就是那个给他的`罗威那犬取名为‘耶稣’的那个人啊。”
Only One Eye to Settle On
The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didnt you tell me this before ?"
"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.
姑娘找到媒人，说：“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我?” “怎么没告诉你?”媒人也不甘示弱，“你们第一回见面后，我就说，他一眼就看中你了。”
幽默爆笑英语笑话简短 3
上帝是不聋，可奶奶聋呀!
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isnt deaf."
To which the younger one replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
两个小男孩在他们的祖父母家过夜。睡觉时间到了，这两个小男孩跪在床上祈祷。弟弟用非常大的声音祈祷着，“我祈求有一辆新自行车……我祈求有一个新游戏机……我祈求有一个新录像机……”
他的'哥哥用胳膊肘轻轻地碰了他一下，说：“你为什么这么大声地喊叫呢?上帝又不是聋子。”
弟弟听了回答道：“上帝是不聋，可奶奶聋呀!”
幽默爆笑英语笑话简短 4
Jimmy is three years old.
吉米3岁了。
One day, he was gazing out of the window when the night fell. He suddenly shouted, "Mum, mum, come close the window!"
一天，他正在窗口观望，夜幕降临。他突然喊道：“妈妈，妈妈，快来关窗!”
"Why? Its not cold, sonny."
“为什么?天不冷呀，宝贝。”
"Yes, mum, but the night will come inside."
“是的，妈妈，可黑夜会进来。”
幽默爆笑英语笑话简短 5
A:what is your name? 你叫啥名?
B:Hu胡(谐音:谁)
A:you~你
B:Hu~胡
A:Who?谁?
B:yes, I am~是，我就是
A:I want to know your name我只是想知道你的名字
B:Hu胡啊
A:You!你!
B:Yes, my name是啊，我的名字啊
A:So tell me about it那就告诉我啊
B:Hu!胡!
A:You! What is your name!? 你!你叫啥名?!
B:Hu is my name!我就叫胡
A:O~哦
幽默爆笑英语笑话简短 6
-How much does a polar bear weigh?
-How much?
-Enough to break the ice! Hi, my name is John。
-你知道北极熊有多重吗?
-多重呢?
-足够破冰(双关：打破沉默)!你好，我叫约翰~!
幽默爆笑英语笑话简短 7
Harry: "My big brother shaves every day."
哈里：“我哥哥每天都刮脸。”
Henry: "My brother shaves fifty times a day."
亨利：“我哥哥每天刮50次脸。”
Harry: "Is he crazy?"
哈里：“他疯了吗?”
Henry: "No, hes a barber."
亨利：“没有，他是一名理发师。”
幽默爆笑英语笑话简短 8
“i am sorry”。
“i am sorry， too” 外国人回答。
“i am sorry three” 我道。
“what are you sorry for?” 外国人问。
“i am sorry five” 我说……
幽默爆笑英语笑话简短 9
Returning from a golf outing(远足，短途旅行) , my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter. Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?
Uncle Richie and I dont play golf to win, my husband hedged(避免作正面答复) . We just play to have fun.
Undaunted, Sare said, Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?
丈夫打完高尔夫球回来，我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。爸爸，谁赢了高尔夫球比赛，是你还是理查叔叔?
我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢，丈夫推诿说。我们打球只是为了好玩而已。
莎拉毫不气馁，又问：那么，爸爸，谁觉得更好玩呢?
幽默爆笑英语笑话简短 10
Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft(阁楼) and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry(钟楼) and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated(熏制) , and they still won’t go away.
The third said, I baptized(洗礼) all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!
三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道：“你们知道吗，自从夏天来临，我的教堂的'阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰，我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。”
另外一位说：“是啊，我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍，它们还是赶不走。”
第三个牧师说：“我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼，让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。”
幽默爆笑英语笑话简短 11
拍卖!
When we decided to sell our house, we nailed "FOR SALE BY OWNER" signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long，the doorbell rang.”How much are you asking for the treesp"a young man asked.
我们决定卖掉我们的房子。于是，我们就在院前的.大树上钉了两块牌子，上面写着:“拍卖。”没过多久，我们的门铃就响了。一位年轻人问:“你们的树想卖多少钱?”
幽默爆笑英语笑话简短 12
"Im going to draw a picture of God," a four-year-old girl said to her teacher.
一个4岁的女孩对老师说：“我要画一幅上帝的画像。”
"But nobody knows what God looks like," the teacher said.
老师说：“可谁也不知道上帝长什么模样。”
"They will know when Ive finished," came the reply.
“等我画好后，他们就会知道的'。“小女孩回答说。
幽默爆笑英语笑话简短 13
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau is known for his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I dont mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure theyre running!"
在开普吉拉多市的东南密苏里州立大学上学的时候，我喜欢的几个老师之中有一个以他的幽默感而出名。给新生上头一节课，他给学生解释在他课上的`纪律，他说：“我知道我的课经常会很枯燥乏味，所以我并不介意你们在课上看表。然而，我坚决不允许你们把表重重的摔在课桌上，以此来检查你的表是不是还在走。”
幽默爆笑英语笑话简短 14
尴尬
My parents tour leader asked everyone to put their large suitcases outside their hotel rooms at bed time so the bus could be loaded for an early departure the next morning. Mom laid out their travelling clothes，repacked their things，took out her hearing aid and went to bed. Dad stepped into the hall to line up their luggage and the door clicked shut behind him，leaving him there in only his underwear.
我父母的导游负责人让大家在晚上睡觉前把箱子放在饭店的房门外。这样，化们可以在次日的凌晨早装车，早出发。妈妈铺开了旅行时穿的衣服，重新打了包。取下了助听器睡觉去了。爸爸要去大厅放行李，门咔嚓一下在他身后撞上了。他只穿着内裤，束手无策。
"It sure was embarrassing，“he told us later.”Your mother couldnt hear me，so I had to go downstairs and across the street to the office to get another key.”
他事后告诉我们:“我的确很尴尬。你妈妈她又听不见，没办法，我只好下楼穿过街到办公室去要另一把钥匙。”
"But, Grandpa.”our son piped up.”What about the clothes in the suitcase you put in the hall?"
“但是，爷爷，”我们的儿子说:“那么你为什么不穿放在大厅的'箱子里的衣服呢?”
【幽默爆笑英语笑话简短】相关文章：
幽默笑话简短爆笑08-30
简短幽默爆笑小笑话07-13
爆笑幽默笑话经典08-23
经典幽默笑话 爆笑08-06
幽默笑话爆笑06-09
简短幽默爆笑笑话大全07-13
爆笑短信幽默笑话03-19
最幽默爆笑的笑话11-20
经典幽默笑话大全爆笑09-18