初中英语笑话故事
1、Englishman
Once， late at night， an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water. The servant did as he was asked. The Englishman re-entered his room， but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water. The servant brought him another glass of water. Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request. After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water. "Nothing，" the Englishman answered imperturbably， "It’s simply that my room is on fire."
一个英国人
一天晚上，一个英国人从他住的旅店房间里走出来。来到走廊上，叫旅店的服务员给他拿一杯水来。服务员按他的要求做了。英国人回到了他的房间里，几分钟后他又来到走廊上，让服务员再给他送一杯水。服务员又给他送了一杯水。每隔几分钟。英国人就走出房间重复他的要求。半小时之后.这位感到惊讶的服务员决定问问房客要这些水干什么，英国人不谎不忙地回答：”没什么.只不过是我的房间里起火了。“
2、There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.
One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw an elf by the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up.
Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and one lived.
Who died and who lived?
The perfect woman, because the perfect man and elves aren't real.
曾经有一个完美男人和一个完美女人，它们邂逅于一个完美的聚会。完美的约会持续了两年，然后他们举行了完美的婚礼，并度过了完美的蜜月。之后他们有了两个完美的孩子。
一天，完美男人和完美女人驾着他们那完美的轿车出行。他们在路边看到一个精灵，由于他们是完美男女，于是他们载了精灵一程。
由于完美男人和完美女人载上了精灵，他们不知何故发生了交通意外。其中二死一生。
猜猜谁过世了而谁活了下来?
当然是完美女人活了下来，因为完美男人和精灵根本就是虚幻的。
3、When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.
乔治35岁时买了架小型飞机，并开始学习驾驶。不久，他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。
George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go."
乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天，乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想，“我乘大客机飞行过好几次，还从来没有乘过小飞机，我不妨试一试。”
They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.
升空后，乔治飞了有半个小时，在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。
When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."
后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说：“乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。”
Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"
乔治非常吃惊地问：“两次飞行?”
"Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.
“是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。
4、Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
5、One evening I drove my husband’s car to the shopping mall.
On my return， I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house， I called out."The woman who loves you the
?most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said， "Mom’s here?"
哪一位女人?
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，
回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了?”
6、Funny Health Quotes - Funny Quotes about Health
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Muscles come and go; flab lasts.
My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.
If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.
Turns out we've all been eating the wrong thing...since the dawn of civilization!
My father died of cancer when I was a teenager. He had it before it became popular.
How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It's simple. I drink the blood of young runaways.
According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don't worry lonely women, you'll be dead soon.
Serious illness doesn't bother me for long because I am too inhospitable a host.
I don't jog. If I die I want to be sick.
What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish, ... You know what you should do? Combine them ... eat a penguin.
健康趣话
----读有关健康的书籍要小心，你可能死于印刷错误。
----有一天健康狂热者会发现自己很愚蠢，当他们躺在医院里一无所获地死去。
----肌肉来了又走，肥肉却坚持到了最后。
----我的医生最近告诉我慢跑可以增加我的寿命，我想他是对的，因为我已经觉得自己得到了十年(老了十岁)。
----如果我知道我会活那么久，我应试好好照顾我的身体。
----好象我们一直在吃错误的东西----自从进入了文明社会。
----我父亲在我十几岁的时候死于癌症，那时候癌症还不那么流行。
----为什么我能保持健康和少年时的英俊，很简单，我喝年轻的逃亡者的血。
----新的研究结果表明，婚姻美满的女人得心血管疾病的.可能性要小于未婚女人，所以，单身女人，不要再为自己操心了，你们不会活太久的。
----严重的疾病都不会打扰我太久，因为我是个很不好客的主人。
----我不慢跑，如果要死的话，我希望死于疾病。
----他们告诉你最健康的食物是哪两样?是鸡和鱼----那你应该怎样做?把两样合并起来----吃企鹅。
7、One day these two fine southern ladies were sittin' on the front porch having some iced tea. One of the women sticks out her hand for the other woman to see, and in her long southern drawl says 'Look at this ring my husband gave me. Isn't it nice?' To which the other woman replies, 'Oh that's nice, that's real nice.' The first woman then says , 'And just last month he took me on one of them Caribbean cruises.' The second woman again replies, 'Oh that's nice, that's real nice.' 'Well sweetheart doesn't your husband ever buy you nice things or send you nice places?' 'Oh', the second woman responds, 'When we first got married he did send me to etiquette school.' 'Why'd he do that?' the first woman asks. To which the second fine southern woman replies, 'Well you see, before, when someone told me about the jewellery their husband gave them, or the trips he sent her on, I would have just said I don't give a freak, but now I say that's nice, that's real nice.'
一天，两位漂亮的南方女士坐在前门廊里，喝着冰茶。
这时其中一位女士伸出她的手，向另一位女士展示，并用她拉长调子的南方口音懒洋洋地说：“看看这个戒指，是我丈夫送给我的，很漂亮吧?”
另一位女士回答道，“哦，不错，真地很好。”
第一位女士接着说，“就在上个月，他还带我去了加勒比海旅游。”
第二位女士再次回答，“哦，不错，真地很好。”
“喂，宝贝，你丈夫给你买过好东西，或带你去过漂亮地方吗?”
“嗯”，第二位女士回应道，“当我们刚结婚时，他送我去了礼仪学校。”
“为什么他要这样做呢?”第一位女子问道。
第二位漂亮的南方女士回答道，“哦，你看，以前，当有人向我讲述那些她们丈夫买的珠宝或曾经旅行过的地方时，我只会说那毫不奇怪啊，但现在我会说不错，真地很好。”
8、There was a perfect man and a perfect woman. They met each other at a perfect party. They dated for two perfect years. They had the perfect wedding and the perfect honeymoon. They had two perfect children.
One day the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving in there perfect car, they saw an elf by the side of the road, being the perfect people they were they picked him up.
Well as the perfect man and the perfect woman were driving with the elf, somehow they got into an accident. Two people died and one lived.
Who died and who lived?
The perfect woman, because the perfect man and elves aren't real.
曾经有一个完美男人和一个完美女人，它们邂逅于一个完美的聚会。完美的约会持续了两年，然后他们举行了完美的婚礼，并度过了完美的蜜月。之后他们有了两个完美的孩子。
一天，完美男人和完美女人驾着他们那完美的轿车出行。他们在路边看到一个精灵，由于他们是完美男女，于是他们载了精灵一程。
由于完美男人和完美女人载上了精灵，他们不知何故发生了交通意外。其中二死一生。
猜猜谁过世了而谁活了下来?
当然是完美女人活了下来，因为完美男人和精灵根本就是虚幻的
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