长篇英语笑话（精选11篇）
笑话，顾名思义，是一种通过幽默的文字或图示来达到令人会心一笑或捧腹大笑效果的文学形式。以下是小编收集的长篇英语笑话，希望可以帮助大家!
长篇英语笑话 1
The Smart Dog
A man walks into a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The dog jumps up onto the seat beside him, puts his paws on the bar, and orders a beer as well.
The bartender is taken aback and looks at the man. "Is that your dog?" he asks.
"Yes," the man replies.
"Well, he just ordered a beer," the bartender says.
The man looks at the dog with amazement and asks, "Did you really order a beer?"
The dog replies, "Yeah, itll help me forget where I parked the car."
长篇英语笑话 2
The Longest Sentence
Teacher: "If I said, I am beautiful, what would you say?"
Student: "You are not beautiful."
Teacher: "Thats not very nice. You should say, You are very beautiful."
Student: "OK. If you said, I am very beautiful, what would I say?"
Teacher: "You would say, You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen."
Student: "OK. But if I said, You are ugly, what would you say?"
Teacher: "Id say, You are not very nice."
Student: "If I said, You are very ugly, what would you say?"
Teacher: "Id say, You need to use kinder words."
Student: "And if I said, You are the ugliest person I have ever seen, what would you say?"
Teacher: "Id say, Why are you saying such mean things?"
Student: "Well, thats the longest sentence youve said so far."
长篇英语笑话 3
The New Computer
A man goes into a computer store and walks up to the sales counter.
"Id like to buy a computer," he says.
"Alright, sir," the salesperson replies. "Would you like a PC or a Mac?"
"I dont know," the man says. "Which one is better?"
"Well, theyre both good computers," the salesperson explains. "It really depends on what youre going to use it for."
"Im going to use it for email and internet," the man says.
"In that case, I would recommend a Mac," the salesperson suggests.
"OK, Ill take a Mac," the man says.
A few days later, the man comes back to the store with his new computer.
"Im having some trouble with my new computer," he says.
"What seems to be the problem?" the salesperson asks.
"Well, every time I try to type an email, it says You have entered an invalid email address."
"Lets see," the salesperson says, looking at the screen. "Youve typed gmail.com instead of com."
"Oh," the man says. "I thought it said gmail dot com."
长篇英语笑话 4
The Computer Virus
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a pain in my eye that wont go away."
The doctor says, "Try not to use the computer so much."
The man replies, "But Im a computer programmer!"
The doctor says, "Then try to take some holidays."
The man says, "But I cant. I have a virus to fix!"
The doctor says, "Thats the problem. Your eye is infected with a virus too. Go home, take some time off, and stop fixing other peoples computers. Let your own system heal itself."
The man leaves the office and goes home. A week later he comes back to the doctor.
"Doctor," he says, "Your advice was excellent. My eye is completely healed now, but I have a new problem."
"Oh?" says the doctor. "And what is that?"
"Now I cant see my computer!"
长篇英语笑话 5
The Lawyer and the Engineer
An engineer and a lawyer were sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to New York.
The lawyer asked the engineer, "What do you do in engineering?"
The engineer said, "I design structures and machines."
The lawyer said, "That sounds pretty good. Whats your salary?"
The engineer said, "$100,000 a year."
The lawyer said, "Thats pretty good. Im a lawyer and I make $200,000 a year."
The engineer said, "Thats quite impressive. How long did you have to go to school to become a lawyer?"
The lawyer replied, "Seven years."
The engineer said, "I went to school for five years."
The lawyer said, "But you know, I passed the bar exam on my first try."
The engineer said, "I passed my first test on the first try too."
The lawyer said, "But I had to memorize the entire constitution."
The engineer said, "I had to memorize half of the train schedule for the entire eastern seaboard."
The lawyer said, "But I can add and subtract legal fees in my head."
The engineer said, "I can look at a group of dwarves and tell you which one will get sick in two days."
At this point, the lawyer looked very impressed and said, "My God, how can you possibly do that?"
The engineer said, "I dont know. But if Im wrong, I only lose $50."
长篇英语笑话 6
The Animal Doctor
A man takes his dog to the vet and says, "My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "lets have a look at him."
So he looks the dog over and says, "Im going to have to put him down."
"What? Because hes cross-eyed?"
"No, because hes heavy."
The man says, "What does that have to do with anything?"
The vet says, "Well, I cant do surgery on him while hes looking side to side."
长篇英语笑话 7
The Lighthouse Keepers Diary
Once upon a time, there was a lighthouse keeper who lived on a remote island. Every day, he would write in his diary, describing the weather and any interesting events that occurred.
One day, he wrote: "Dear diary, today a strange ship appeared on the horizon. It had a large flag with a skull and crossbones on it. I fear pirates!"
The next day, he wrote: "Dear diary, the pirates have landed on the island. They are loud and rowdy, and they seem to be looking for something. I am hiding in my cottage."
A few days later, he wrote: "Dear diary, the pirates have found my treasure chest! They are fighting over the gold and jewels. I am still hiding."
After a week, he wrote: "Dear diary, the pirates have left the island. They took all my gold and jewels, but I am safe. I will start rebuilding my life."
Months later, a passing ship found the lonely lighthouse keeper and offered him a ride back to civilization. As he was packing his things, he found his diary and flipped through the pages. Suddenly, he exclaimed, "Dear diary, I forgot to mention that I have a treasure chest!"
长篇英语笑话 8
The Doctors Visit
A man went to the doctors office for a routine check-up. As the doctor examined him, he asked, "How have you been feeling lately?"
The man replied, "Ive been feeling a bit under the weather lately. Ive lost my appetite, and I cant seem to sleep well."
The doctor nodded sympathetically and continued his examination. After a few minutes, he said, "Well, I dont see anything physically wrong with you. You might just be suffering from a bit of stress."
The man sighed and said, "Yes, I think youre right. My job has been very demanding lately, and Ive been feeling the pressure."
The doctor smiled and said, "Well, why dont you take a few days off and relax? Go somewhere nice, maybe the beach or the mountains. Get away from all the stress and come back refreshed."
The man brightened up and said, "That sounds like a great idea! Ill do that."
A week later, the man returned to the doctors office looking much better. "So, how was your vacation?" asked the doctor.
The man smiled and replied, "It was great! I went to the beach, and I relaxed and slept for days. I felt like a new person when I came back."
The doctor nodded approvingly and said, "Im glad to hear that. And hows your job been since youve been back?"
The mans face fell, and he said, "Oh, its been terrible. I came back to find that my boss had given my job to my assistant while I was away!"
长篇英语笑话 9
The Language Barrier
An American tourist was visiting Japan and decided to try out a local sushi restaurant. As he sat down at the counter, the chef greeted him with a warm smile and asked, "How can I help you?"
The tourist replied, "Id like to order some sushi, please."
The chef nodded and said, "Excellent choice! Our sushi is very fresh. What kind would you like?"
The tourist hesitated and then said, "Im not sure. What do you recommend?"
The chef thought for a moment and said, "Our tuna is very popular. Its caught fresh every day."
The tourist nodded and said, "That sounds good. Ill have the tuna sushi."
The chef smiled and began preparing the sushi. A few minutes later, he placed a plate in front of the tourist and said, "Here is your sushi. Enjoy!"
The tourist looked at the plate and frowned. Instead of the expected slices of raw fish, he saw a pile of finely chopped tuna mixed with rice and wrapped in seaweed.
He looked back at the chef and said, "Im sorry, but this isnt what I ordered. I asked for sushi, not sushi rolls."
The chef looked confused and said, "But sushi is sushi rolls. Thats how we serve it here."
The tourist shook his head and said, "No, sushi is slices of raw fish on top of rice. Thats what I want."
The chef shrugged and said, "Well, we dont have that. Here, sushi means sushi rolls. Youll have to get
长篇英语笑话 10
The Magic Mirror
A little boy goes into a shop and sees a beautiful mirror for sale. He decides to buy it and takes it home.
As soon as he gets home, he brings the mirror into his room and looks at himself. "Im handsome!" he says with a smile.
Later, his mother comes into his room and looks in the mirror. "Im beautiful!" she exclaims.
The father walks in and glances at the mirror. "Im rich!" he declares.
The little boys grandmother enters the room and peers into the mirror. "Im young!" she cries out.
Finally, the family dog trots in and sniffs the mirror. He whimpers and runs out of the room.
Later, the boys father asks, "Why did the dog run away when he saw the mirror?"
The boy replies, "He realized hes a dog!"
长篇英语笑话 11
The Missing Page
A man goes to the library and asks the librarian for a book.
"Im sorry, sir," the librarian says, "but that book is missing a page."
"Thats OK," the man replies. "I only need to read the first half."
A few days later, the man returns to the library with the book.
"How was the book?" the librarian asks.
"It was good," the man says, "but I have a complaint. You said it was missing a page, but it was missing two!"
"Oh, Im sorry about that," the librarian says. "Which pages were missing?"
"The last two," the man replies.
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