英语笑话

时间：2024-10-15 23:05:12 林惜英语笑话

英语笑话（精选11个）

　　笑话一般指短小、滑稽的故事,是一种民间口头创作形式,在民间文化中以口口相传的形式传播。以下是由小编整理的英语笑话，欢迎阅读!

英语笑话（精选11个）

　　英语笑话 1

　　A foreign visitor touring the great American West came across an Indian with his ear pressed tothe ground. 一位外国游客到美国大西部游览，碰到一个印第安人把耳朵紧贴在地上。

　　"What are you listening for?" heasked. "你在听什么呢?"他询问道。

　　“为了向你表示谢意，我送你一只龙虾。”说着他便给老板一只活蹦乱跳的大龙虾。

　　"Well, thats very kind of you. My wife and I will have it for dinner. " “您真好，我太太和我将以它当晚餐。”

　　"Oh, hes already had dinner. But I am sure hed love to take in a movie. " “喔，它已经吃过晚餐了，但我想它会喜欢看场电影。”

　　英语笑话 2

　　The mourners pain

　　A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

　　The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”

　　The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I dont wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than Ive ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”

　　The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wifes first husband.”

　　英语笑话 3

　　Three Surgeons

　　Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist."

　　"Thats nothing," said another. "A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner."

　　"I can top both of you," said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horses posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate."

　　三个外科医生

　　三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的技术。“一个人断了一只手，他来找我，”一个说，“如今那个人是个音乐会的小提琴手。”

　　“这算不了什么，”另一个说。“一个家伙两条腿断了，他来找我，我将它们接了回去。如今，那人是马拉松选手。”

　　“我比你们两个都强，”第三个说，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的'车祸。除了一个马屁股，和一幅眼睛，什么都没有留下。如今，那人坐在美国参议院里。”

　　英语笑话 4

　　情人来电

　　a man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.

　　"what was that for?", the man asked.

　　一个男人坐在那儿看报纸,他的老婆用煎锅打他的头。

　　"那是为什么?",那人问道。

　　the wife replied, "that was for the piece of paper with the name jenny on it that i found in your pants pocket".

　　the man said, "when i was at the races last week, jenny was the name of the horse i bet on."

　　the wife apologized and went on with the housework.

　　妻子回答说,"这张纸上写的名字珍妮,我在你的裤子口袋里发现的`"。

　　那人说:"我上周看比赛,珍妮是我下注的那匹马的名字。"

　　妻子道歉,继续做家务。

　　three days later the man is watching tv when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

　　upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.

　　she replied "your horse just phoned you".

　　三天后，他正在看电视,他老婆用比上次大得多的煎锅打他的头,他顿时失去知觉。

　　等男人恢复了意识，问他老婆为什么打他了。

　　她回答说:"你的马打电话给你"。

　　英语笑话 5

　　The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.孩子们在天主教学校的自助食堂中排队打午饭。

　　At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

　　在桌子的'前端有一大堆苹果。修女写了一张字条，把它贴在了苹果盘上：“只能拿一个，上帝在看着。”

　　Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

　　继续排着队向前走，在桌子的尽头有一大堆巧克力脆饼。

　　A child had written a note, "Take all you want.God is watching the apples."

　　一个孩子写了张字条：“随便拿，上帝在看着苹果。”

　　英语笑话 6

　　解决难题

　　Some friends and I stopped at an ice-cream parlor.where I asked for my favorite，a hot-fudge sundae with chocolate ice cream. But when the waitress brought our orders，I saw that mine had vanilla ice cream. " I ordered chocolate,"I pointed out.

　　我和一位朋友来到一家冰淇琳店。我要了一个我最喜欢吃的巧克力奶油圣代。当女招待送来我的冰淇淋时，我发现我的冰淇沐是香草的。我说:“我要的'是巧克力的。”

　　The young woman consulted her order pad and responded，"So you did. Ill take it back and get chocolate."

　　那位年轻的女士查了一下订单回答说:“你确实要的是巧克力的。我把它拿回去，再给你拿一个巧克力的。”

　　“Never mind，”I said.”I dont like to see anything wasted."

　　“没关系，”我说:“我不想浪费东西。”

　　"Nothing is wasted around here!"she insisted.“We eat our mistakes. "

　　“这儿什么也浪费不了，”女招待坚持说:“我们吃掉自己的错误。”

　　英语笑话 7

　　A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.

　　一个被告卷入了一桩牵涉大笔资金的诉讼案，他去找他的律师。

　　A:If I lose this case, Ill be ruined.

　　如果我输了这场官司，我就完了。

　　B:Its in the judges hand now.

　　这事掌握在法官的手上。

　　A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?

　　如果我给法官送一箱雪茄，会不会起点作用?

　　B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldnt even smile ai the judge.

　　哦.不会的!这位法官很固执，非常注意职业道德。这种花招只会让他对你产生偏见，他甚至会认为你蔑视法庭。事实上，你甚至都不用对他微笑。

　　With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,

　　最后，法官作了一个有利于被告的判决，当被告离开法院时。

　　A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.

　　谢谢你关于雪茄的`忠告，这很管用。

　　B:Im sure we wodd have lost the caae if youd sent them.

　　如果你送了的话，我肯定会输掉这场官司。

　　A:But did send them.

　　但是我的确送了。

　　B:What? You did?!

　　什么?你送了?!

　　A:Yes.Thats how we won the case.

　　对，这就是我们会赢这场官司的原因。

　　B:I dont understand.

　　我不明白。

　　A:Its easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiffs business card.

　　这很简单，我把雪茄送到了法官那里，但是附上了原告的一张名片。

　　英语笑话 8

　　不必再看眼科医生了

　　It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.

　　我己经很多年没做眼睛检查了。我妻子总是催我去挂个号。她越是督我，我越是耽搁不去。最后，她替我挂了个号。

　　The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,

　　在我去见医生的.前一天，我的情绪特别好。我对妻于又是亲又是抱，还说她是我眼里最漂亮的女人.

　　"That does it,”she said.“Im canceling your appointment."

　　她说:“这回眼睛没问题了，那我现在就去把号退了。”

　　英语笑话 9

　　One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their nigh clothes. Two men stood outside and looked at the fire.

　　“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money. People don’t think of money when they’re afraid. When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it. So I took all the bills that I could find.No one will be poorer because I took them.” “You don’t know my work，” said the other. “What is your work?” “I’m a policeman.

　　“Oh!” cried the first man. He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work?”“No，”said the policeman. “I’m a writer. I’m always telling stories about things that never happened.”

　　【译文】

　　你知道我是干什么的吗?

　　一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡衣就跑了出来，趣味英语：笑话三则。两个人站在外面，看着大火。

　　“在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。” “你不知道我是干什么的.。”另一个说。 “你是干什么的?”

　　“我是警察。”

　　“噢!”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的?”“不知道。”警察说。 “我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”