英语笑话

时间：2025-09-16 17:46:10 赛赛英语笑话我要投稿

英语笑话（通用11则）

　　英语入门学习应该从最基本的单词开始，将单词的发音一定要弄准英语入门学习，简而言之就是学习英语的最初级，最基础的阶段，以下是小编整理的英语笑话，欢迎阅读。

英语笑话（通用11则）

　　英语笑话 1

　　不必再看眼科医生了

　　It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged , the more I procrastinated. Finally，she made an appointment for me.

　　我己经很多年没做眼睛检查了。我妻子总是催我去挂个号。她越是督我，我越是耽搁不去。最后，她替我挂了个号。

　　The day before I was to see the doctor，I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked. good to me.,

　　在我去见医生的前一天，我的情绪特别好。我对妻于又是亲又是抱，还说她是我眼里最漂亮的'女人.

　　"That does it,”she said.“Im canceling your appointment."

　　她说:“这回眼睛没问题了，那我现在就去把号退了。”

　　英语笑话 2

　　Reason of Punishment 惩罚的原因

　　One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didnt do.

　　The mother exclaimed, But thats terrible! Im going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didnt do?

　　The little girl replied, My homework.

　　一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。

　　妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的.老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的那件事是什么?

　　小女孩回答说：我的家庭作业。

　　英语笑话 3

　　An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman: "How much this stuff?"

　　一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。她问店员：“这东西要多少钱？”

　　"Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap." The lady said, "It is too much, give it to me for fourteen." "I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven."

　　“七美元，太太，这是很便宜的。” 老太太说：“太贵了，十四美元差不多。” 店员忙说：“我没说十七美元，是七美元。”

　　"It is still too much," replied the old lady, "give it to me for five."

　　“还是太贵，”老太太说：“五美元，我就买啦。”

　　英语笑话 4

　　A Gentle Reminder委婉提醒

　　Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that weve been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"

　　Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"

　　婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的`提醒。在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上，我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗?”

　　他放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：“因此，你想交换座位吗?”

　　英语笑话 5

　　A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired.

　　"But what"s that in the corner?" asked Mother.

　　"Oh, that"s their telly," replied the tot.

　　圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。

　　他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。

　　“可是那个角落里是什么?”妈妈问。

　　“噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。

　　英语笑话 6

　　Boy, Oh Boy 让人无奈的孩子

　　When theyre together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. "All right, you two," I said sternly. "No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting."

　　As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, "Cmon, Steven, lets get dirty . "

　　我五岁的儿子和他的'表弟在一起的时候，总要招来大乱。一个星期六，我开始抗议了。“好啦，你们两个，”我严厉地说，“不许叫喊，不许乱拿，不许哭闹，不许乱敲，不许取笑，不许扯淡，不许弄坏玩具，不许乱抓，不许打架。” 我刚转身要走，就听我儿子说：“来，斯蒂文，我们来把自己弄脏吧。”

　　英语笑话 7

　　How Did You Ever Get Here

　　你是怎样来的?

　　One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."

　　一个冬天的`早晨，一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才起来上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前迈一步，就要向后退两步。”

　　The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"

　　老板狐疑地看着他。“噢，是吗?那你是怎样到这里来的?”

　　"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."

　　“后来我决定放弃，”他说，“然后我就往家里走。”

　　英语笑话 8

　　Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

　　"I think my friend is dead!" he yells. "What can I do?"

　　The operator says, "Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."

　　There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Okay, now what?"

　　两个猎人在森林里打猎，突然一人晕倒了。他的.呼吸停止，眼神呆滞。另外一个人掏出手机，拨打911。

　　“我想我的朋友死了！”他喊道，“我该怎么办？”

　　接线员说：“请冷静。首先，请确认他是否真的死了。”接着一阵沉寂，然后是一声枪响。回到电话中，猎人接着说：“好了，然后呢？”

　　英语笑话 9

　　Black eyes

　　A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

　　The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”

　　The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”

　　“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”

　　英语笑话 10

　　The Flying Nun

　　A Highway Trooper is surprised to find a nun behind the wheel of the car he has pulled over. "Im terribly sorry maam but its not safe to do 35 mph on the interstate."

　　"But all the signs said 35," she replied.

　　"Those are route signs, maam. This is route 35". At this point he looks in the back seat to see two more nuns, mouths ajar, eyes wide open, in an obvious state of shock.

　　"Whats the matter?" he asks.

　　"Oh, we just pulled off of route 99."