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逗趣经典英语笑话（通用12个）
笑话是一个汉语词汇，意思是引人发笑的话或事情。笑话具有篇幅短小，故事情节简单而巧妙，往往出人意料，给人突然之间笑神来了的奇妙感觉的特点。大多揭示生活中乖谬的现象，具有讽刺性和娱乐性。其趣味有高下之分。以下是小编给大家整理的逗趣经典英语笑话，欢迎阅读！
逗趣经典英语笑话 1
The Rain
A small boy and his father were having a walk in the country when it suddenly began to rain very hard. They did not have their umbrella with them， and there was nowhere to hide from the rain， so they were soon very wet， and the small boy did not feel very happy.
For a long time while they were walking home through the rain， the boy was thinking. Then at last he turned to his father and said to him，“Why does it rain， Father? It isnt very nice， is it?”
“No， it isnt very nice， but its very useful，Tom，”answered his father.“It rains to make the fruit and the vegetables grow for us， and to make the grass grow for the cows and sheep.”
Tom thought about this for a few seconds， and then he said，“Then，why does it rain on the road too， Father?”
下雨
一个小男孩和他的父亲正在乡间行走，突然下起了大雨。
他们没带伞，加上四下无处可以躲雨，所以很快他们浑身上下被淋湿了，小男孩感到很不好受。
他们在雨中朝家走去，有好一会儿，那个男孩一直在思索着什么。后来终于他朝父亲转过脸去，问他说:“爸爸，为什么天会下雨呢?下雨可不太好，是吧?”
“是呀，下雨是不太好，可是下雨也有很多有益的地方，汤姆。”父亲回答说。“老天爷下雨促使了为我们所食用的水果和蔬菜的生长，同样也促使牛羊所吃的青草的'生长。”
汤姆对父亲的这番话想了一会，然后说:“那么，父亲，老天爷为什么还要把雨下在路上呢?”
逗趣经典英语笑话 2
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
一个女人起诉一个男人诽谤。她指控这个男人骂她是头猪。男人被叛有罪并受到处罚。
After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"
审判结束后,他问法官“这么说我可以管一头猪叫约翰逊夫人吗?”
The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.
法官说事实是这样的。“那是不是说我可以管一头猪叫约翰逊夫人吗?”那个人问。
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
法官回答道他完全可以管一头猪叫约翰逊夫人,无需害怕采取法律行动。
The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."
男人马上看着约翰逊夫人说:“下午好,约翰逊夫人。”
逗趣经典英语笑话 3
Peter joined the army when he was eighteen,and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier.He did quite well in everything except shooting.One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting,and all of them were doing quite well except Peter.After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once,the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said,"Youre quite hopeless,Peter!Dont waste your last bullet too!Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!"
Peter felt ashamed.He went behind the wall,and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot.
"Heavens!" the officer said."Has that silly man really shot himself?"
He ran behind the wall anxiously,but Peter was all right."Im sorry,sir," he said,"but I missed again."
彼得十八岁那年参了军,他需要参加几个月的学习以成为一名好士兵.彼得在其他方面都做得很好,但是射击不行.一天他和伙伴们练习射击,除了彼得其他人都没有问题.他射了九次,一次也没有命中目标.这时,教新兵射击的教官说：“彼得,你看来是没希望了,不要连最后一发子弹都浪费掉!去那堵墙后面用它向自己打一枪吧.”
彼得感到非常惭愧.他走到那堵墙后面.几分钟后,教官和新兵们听到一声枪响.
“上帝!”教官叫起来,“难道那个笨蛋真的`朝自己开枪了?”
他急忙跑到那堵墙后面,发现彼得安然无恙.“对不起,长官,”他说,“我还是没有命中.”
逗趣经典英语笑话 4
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "Ive got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think theres somebody under it. Im going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and Ill cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." Ill sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didnt you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Aint nobody under there now!
逗趣经典英语笑话 5
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.
Now, he asked, "Whats the meaning of the word Drunk, dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " theres only ONE policeman!"
逗趣经典英语笑话 6
I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case.
It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination. At last he succeeded.
“Why are you so nervous?"I asked him.
"The numbers are the date of our annivorsary．my husband confessed.
逗趣经典英语笑话 7
A mother saw her three-year-old son put nickel in his mouth and swallowed it. She immediately picked hime up, turned him upside down and hit him on the back, whereupon he coughed up two dimes.
Frantically, she called to the father outside. "Your son just swallowed a nickel and coughed up two dimes!What shall I do? "Yelled back the father,"Keep feeding him nickels!"
逗趣经典英语笑话 8
A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water.""But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal.""Wait a minute," roared the patron. "
The other tap is also marked C.""Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
逗趣经典英语笑话 9
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
"I think my friend is dead!" he yells. "What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Okay, now what?"
两个猎人在森林里打猎，突然一人晕倒了。他的呼吸停止，眼神呆滞。另外一个人掏出手机，拨打911。
“我想我的`朋友死了！”他喊道，“我该怎么办？”
接线员说：“请冷静。首先，请确认他是否真的死了。”接着一阵沉寂，然后是一声枪响。回到电话中，猎人接着说：“好了，然后呢？”
逗趣经典英语笑话 10
I was accompanying my husband on a business trip. He carried his portable computer with him, and the guard at the airport gate asked him to open the case. It was locked, and the man waited patiently as my embarrassed spouse struggled to remember the combination. At last he succeeded.
我陪丈夫一起出差，他带着他的笔记本电脑。到了机场出口处时， 有位检查员要他打开包。但是包锁上了，机场工作人员耐心地等着我那窘迫的丈夫设法回想起暗锁的密码。最后他终于想起来了。
“Why are you so nervous?"I asked him.
”你为什么那么紧张呢？“我问他。
"The numbers are the date of our annivorsary．my husband confessed.
“密码是我们的.结婚纪念日。”他承认道”
你太晚了 You are too late 幽默笑话
逗趣经典英语笑话 11
At the police department, the phone rang. “Hallo, hallo!”
the policeman answered. “I’ve lost my cat!”
And the policeman said, “I’m sorry, sir,
that’s not the job of the police. We’re too busy!”
The person said, “But you don’t understand. This is a very
intelligent cat! He’s almost human; he can practically talk!”
So the policeman said, “Then you’d better hang up.
He might be trying to call you!”
警察局的电话响了，警察接起电话说：「喂!喂!」
「我的.猫不见了!」警察说：「先生，很抱歉!
这不是警察的职责，我们太忙了!」
对方说：「但是你不了解，这是一只很聪明的猫，
他几乎像人一样可以说话!」于是警察说道：
「那你最好挂断电话，他可能正试着打电话给你!」
逗趣经典英语笑话 12
a man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
"what was that for?", the man asked.
一个男人坐在那儿看报纸,他的老婆用煎锅打他的.头。
"那是为什么?",那人问道。
the wife replied, "that was for the piece of paper with the name jenny on it that i found in your pants pocket".
the man said, "when i was at the races last week, jenny was the name of the horse i bet on."
the wife apologized and went on with the housework.
妻子回答说,"这张纸上写的名字珍妮,我在你的裤子口袋里发现的"。
那人说:"我上周看比赛,珍妮是我下注的那匹马的名字。"
妻子道歉,继续做家务。
three days later the man is watching tv when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
she replied "your horse just phoned you".
三天后，他正在看电视,他老婆用比上次大得多的煎锅打他的头,他顿时失去知觉。
等男人恢复了意识，问他老婆为什么打他了。
她回答说:"你的马打电话给你"。
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