爆笑英语短篇笑话

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爆笑英语短篇笑话（精选13个）

　　你知道学些笑话的好处么?当第一次见面的时候，总是有不知道该说什么的尴尬，这时候你就需要一些笑话，来缓解一下气氛呢，这里小编为你收集整理了爆笑英语短篇笑话，希望能对你有所帮助哈!

爆笑英语短篇笑话（精选13个）

　　爆笑英语短篇笑话 1

　　Midway Tactics

　　Three competing store owners rented adjoining(毗连的) shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem(故意的伤害罪，蓄意的破坏) to ensue.

　　The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, Gigantic Sale! and Super Bargains!

　　The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, Prices Slashed! and Fantastic Discounts!

　　The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ENTRANCE.

　　中间战术

　　三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺，旁观者等着瞧好戏。

　　右边的'零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：大减价!特便宜!

　　左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：大砍价!大折扣!

　　中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：入口处。

　　爆笑英语短篇笑话 2

　　Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that Id passed todays exam.""Dont trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope Ill fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

　　在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的`考试。”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。

　　爆笑英语短篇笑话 3

　　He Won

　　Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?

　　Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

　　Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen?

　　Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

　　他赢了

　　汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗?

　　约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

　　汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿?

　　约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

　　爆笑英语短篇笑话 4

　　跟妈妈一模一样的女朋友

　　No matter which girls he brought home, the young man found disapproval from his mother. A friend gave him advice."Find a girl just like your mother -- then, shes bound to like her."

　　So the young man searched and searched, and finally found the girl. He told his friendly adviser:"Just like you said, I found a girl who looked, talked, dressed, and even cooked like mother, And just as you said, mother liked her".

　　"So," asked the friend, "what happened?""Nothing," said the young man. " My father hates her!".

　　有个小伙子发现，无论他带什么女孩子回家，妈妈都不赞成。一位朋友建议他，“你找一个像你母亲一样的女孩吧——你母亲肯定会喜欢她的”。这个小伙子就找啊找啊，终于找到了一个女孩。他告诉自己的朋友：“就像你说的，我找到了一个女孩，无论在感觉、说话、打扮，甚至烹饪手艺都很像母亲的，而且真的像你说的.那样，妈妈很喜欢她。”“那么，”他的朋友问到，“发生了什么事?”“没事，”小伙子说，我父亲很讨厌她!”

　　爆笑英语短篇笑话 5

　　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

　　At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

　　它们是从美国直接带来的.

　　一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元.在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假.

　　这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票.这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的”

　　爆笑英语短篇笑话 6

　　a little boy asked his father, "daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

　　一个小男孩问他的父亲，“爸爸，要花多少钱才能结婚呢?”

　　and the father replied, "i dont know, son, im still paying."

　　“我也不知道，我现在还在交钱。”父亲回答。

　　爆笑英语短篇笑话 7

　　To Buy a Video 买录像机

　　Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.

　　I’m afraid we can’t afford one, sighed his mother.

　　But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.

　　How on earth did you pay for that? gasped his mother.

　　Easy, Mum. replied Amos, I sold the television!

　　艾莫斯问妈妈他们是否能买一台录像机。

　　恐怕我们还买不起，妈妈叹息着说。

　　可第二天当艾莫斯回来时，他摇摇晃晃地搬着一台全新的录像机。

　　你究竟是哪儿来的钱买这东西?妈妈大吃一惊，喘着气说。

　　妈妈，这简单，艾曼斯回答。我把电视机给卖了!

　　爆笑英语短篇笑话 8

　　a mistake

　　an amercian, a scot and a canadian were killed in a car accident. they arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered st. peterexplained that there had been a mistake. "give me $500 each," he said, "and ill return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."

　　"done!" said the american. instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.

　　"where are the others?" asked a medic.

　　"last i knew," said the american, "the scot was huggling price, and the canadian was arguing that his government should pay."

　　一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的`门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”

　　“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。

　　“其他人在哪儿?”一名医生问道。

　　“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”

　　爆笑英语短篇笑话 9

　　good news and bad news

　　"theres good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his client.

　　"i could sure use some good news," sighed the client. "whats it?"

　　"your wife isnt demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement."

　　"and the bad news?"

　　"after the divorce, shes marrying your father."

　　好消息和坏消息

　　“有好消息，也有坏消息，”离婚律师告诉他的当事人。

　　“我总能利用一些好消息吧，”当事人吧了口气说，“是什么好消息?”

　　“你妻子没有要求将你未来的继承财产也划入裁决的'范围。”

　　“那么坏消息呢?”

　　“离婚以后，她将与你父亲结婚。”

　　爆笑英语短篇笑话 10

　　erry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "Ive got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think theres somebody under it. Im going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and Ill cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." Ill sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didnt you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Aint nobody under there now!!!

　　杰瑞去看精神病医生。“医生，我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候，我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了!”“给我一年时间，”医生说，“每周来三次，我会治好你。”“费用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我会认真考虑的'。”杰瑞答道。六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“为什么你再也没来呢?”医生问。“一次一百块钱吗?有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他让我把床腿锯掉。现在那没人了!”

　　爆笑英语短篇笑话 11

　　Q: Whats the difference between a monkey and a flea?

　　A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea cant have monkeys.

　　猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小.但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子.这个答案很有意思吧?

　　Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?

　　A: By treading on his corn?

　　如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的;而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气.Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思.

　　Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?

　　A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

　　因为snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的你说呢?

　　Q: What do people do in a clock factory?

　　A: They make faces all day.

　　一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的.人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面.

　　Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?

　　A: Keep him awake.

　　怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉.虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了.

　　爆笑英语短篇笑话 12

　　A foreign visitor touring the great American West came across an Indian with his ear pressed tothe ground. 一位外国游客到美国大西部游览，碰到一个印第安人把耳朵紧贴在地上。

　　"What are you listening for?" heasked. "你在听什么呢?"他询问道。

　　“为了向你表示谢意，我送你一只龙虾。”说着他便给老板一只活蹦乱跳的大龙虾。

　　"Well, thats very kind of you. My wife and I will have it for dinner. " “您真好，我太太和我将以它当晚餐。”

　　"Oh, hes already had dinner. But I am sure hed love to take in a movie. " “喔，它已经吃过晚餐了，但我想它会喜欢看场电影。”

　　爆笑英语短篇笑话 13

　　史密斯是一家建设公司的经理，他正负责一个新工程的招标案。第一位投标的是一家波兰公司，他们的代表出价四十万元接那个案子。“似乎很合理，”史密斯说。“你可不可以给我一张明细表呢?”

　　"Sure," said the Pole, " $200, 000 for labor and $ 200,000 for materials. "

　　“当然没问题，”波兰公司代表说道，“二十万元工资，二十万元材科费。”

　　下一个出标的.是美国标准建设公司，他们以八十万元竞标。

　　"Hmm, that seems a bit high," said Smith. "Whats the breakdown?" “嗯，这个价钱似乎有些偏高，”史密斯说道。"你们有明细表吗?" " $ 400,000 0n materials, $ 400,000 0n labor. " “四十万元材料，四十万元工资。”

　　"Ill get back to you. "

　　Finally the representative of Cohen, Goldstein and Leibowitz entered Smiths office. " $ 1,200,000 is our bid," said the agent." 最后可翰高斯坦雷伯威兹公司的代表走进史密斯办公室。“一百二十万元是我们竞标的价码，”代表说道。

　　$11 200, 0001 That s way out of line," exclaimed Smith. "Can you give me a breakdown onthat?" “一百二十万元这个标高得太过分了，”史密斯叫道“你可以给我一张明细表吗?" "No problem," replied the rep. " $400, 000 for me,$ 400 , 000 for you and

　　$ 400，000 for thePolacks.

　　“没有问题，”代表回答道。“四十万元给我，四十万元给你，最后四十万元则给那家波兰佬开的公司。”

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